faevii: (ye shall not eff me)
- Shopping for towels and a harddrive and such will be done tomorrow, hopefully, aided by lots of tea because I completely forgot about this and slept in the middle of the day, so now I'll have to stay up all night and just ... pretend to still be awake in the morning.

- Clothes I have bought so far now also include a bra, three pairs of socks and a third set of season-appropriate pyjamas. That's the basics out of the way, I guess. If I run out of money or can't find anything else, at least the situation will only be mildly embarrassing.

- My membership of [livejournal.com profile] danielpix was never approved; I guess the second moderator isn't actively moderating it anymore. However, I contacted the person next in line after myself and they took over for me, which ... was very nice of them, but now I feel terribly awkward about all this and am kind of avoiding the community for no good reason. Er. It'll pass.

- I've been making an effort to eat as many iron-rich foods as possible while drinking lots of orange juice for vitamin C, and of course I have no idea if it's working, but I do feel less tired from time to time and that's great even if it might be a placebo effect or coincidence. Note that I said "from time to time", though. It's so far from optimal that yesterday I ended up with literally not a single clean plate left and almost no cutlery. >_<;

- In a surprise turn of events, I not only managed to get up to date with Sinfest and found the place in Sam's journal where I'd left off (from which point on I am now slowly catching up), I also read a few of Patrick Rothfuss's older posts and then decided to just stick with the new ones.

(While I was at it, I promptly started going through all of my RSS subscriptions to throw out anything that had the potential to feel more like work than fun, unsubscribed from several long-since finished comics, some dead blogs and a couple of duplicates, found the new feed of something that I'd never realised had stopped updating, and finally marked the rest as read after having a short look at the titles. I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER NOW. You probably can't imagine it if you don't use a feed reader or keep yours very organised, but I'm so glad that no matter when I check it now, I can be certain that every new item will actually be of interest to me. And not in a "I wish I could look at this but I'm not up to date yet" way, either. "50 unread items" actually means "50 unread items" again instead of "There might be about 5 items to read here if you're lucky." Except it's unlikely to ever get to 50 in the first place.)
faevii: (slice of brain)
You know what's funny? Ever since I mentioned having trouble getting the dishes done in time, I've been kind of ... doing that obsessively every few hours, and now the only dirty item left is my frying pan. It was neither on purpose nor even vaguely inspired by talking about it - basically, it just happened. That's how I do a lot of things, anyway. At any given moment, chances are high that I'm asking myself, "Why am I doing this now??" I know I've said this before somewhere on the internet and it may even have been here: I feel like my own actions are often completely unpredictable and all I can do is wait for them to happen. :|

Anyway, I'm glad I got this done. I have no idea why I felt like it or why it was possible, but it sure is nice that I did it.

Another strange thing is that I didn't sleep during any of that time. I mean, I spent three hours repeatedly dozing off on my chair (WILL THAT EVER STOP), but I didn't get any real sleep and it's already been almost 24 hours since the dozing, too. I had to stay awake because I needed groceries, and afterwards ... I only became more and more awake instead of doing the logical thing and progressing from post-shopping exhaustion back to tiredness. Nope. I didn't really start feeling tired again until a few hours ago, at which point it was already too late to still go to bed. Well, I suppose I could have said "screw it" and done it anyway, but that would have made being awake tomorrow a little difficult and Daniel wants to stop by to discuss Important Stuff then. (Like, Timo stuff and Finally Getting My Files Back stuff.)

What a mess.
faevii: (broken spear)
I figured out a long time ago that the best way to get yourself to do something is not to try again and again to work up the motivation, but to closely observe your own actions in order to figure out what exactly is stopping you and then find a workaround. Some may call it cheating, but that's rubbish. Although ... I do enjoy thinking of it that way because becoming an expert at cheating life kind of sounds like a cool aspiration to have. :P

I feel like I'm incessantly but also extremely slowly working towards mastering this art, waiting for the day when I will finally have organised my life into submission. It's going so slowly that I fear most people who are sick and really good at managing their symptoms - or poor and really good at managing their budgets - would laugh at me if they could see me struggle everyday. Well, maybe if they're nice they would instead just kindly inform me that I'm Doing It Wrong.

Take this, for example: a few days ago, in the middle of a supermarket and out of absolutely nowhere, I suddenly thought, I know for a fact that it's almost always difficult for me to get the dishes done before I need to cook again. Perhaps instead of helplessly watching that happen over and over, I should deliberately alternate between meals that require a pot or pan and meals that don't? It would give me more time. Then I realised that while this was definitely a good idea, it would also require me to plan my meals in advance. That's something I've been trying to achieve - with little success - for years. >_<

I'm still working on it, mind you. One day I will totally get there. I mean, why not? I have the beginnings of a list of some food items and their prices, the beginnings of a list of some food items and their nutrient content (major nutrients, for not-accidentally-overdosing-on-carbohydrate purposes), the beginnings of a list of some food items and how many meals it takes to use them up ...

Meanwhile I'm merrily throwing things away because I didn't manage to eat them before they went bad, doing that "whoops too much sugar" thing all the time ... and surviving on snacks while the dishes are dirty. :|

People who can eat out a lot or order take-out or eat at work/school: MY ENVY LET ME SHOW YOU IT.

Slight Progress

Monday, October 31st, 2011 02:55 am
faevii: (wtf anthony)
I haven't had any brilliant time management ideas yet, but at least I'm making an effort to alternate between more productive and less productive internet activities today. And I try not to sit here on my chair for much longer than an hour at a time, which is going well so far.

The manner in which I am doing these things is half planned and half intuitive, i.e. completely incomprehensible to anyone but myself - just how I like my life best, really. :D
faevii: "I take my noodles very seriously" (srs bizness)
I just wrote and then deleted this giant post about how I don't write as much as I'd like to anymore and how Tumblr is partly to blame for that, but then I realised what I was doing and it all sounded slightly too pathetic to be allowed to exist, so now you get this instead.

(It's not really Tumblr's fault. At least the pathetic things going on in my head are a little more complex than that.)

Basically what I wanted to get at is that I could do with some more structure in my life, which is to say any. Schedules and I don't mix very well, but there are other methods - I only have to pick one and try it out. Y'know, at some point in time when I'm significantly less tired than right now. -.-

(I had kind of hoped that I'd be able to metaphorically take some of the structure from the hospital home with me, by simply continuing to do things that I used to do there. It might even have worked if I hadn't concentrated on the sleep aspect too hard, but alas ...)

The trick is to remember that I mean to do this. I've got a strategically placed reminder for help, the rest is all crossed fingers and such.

Posts that are currently trapped in my brain: hopefully coming soon.
faevii: (broken spear)
I ... I just can't anymore. The last few days have been nothing but an endless struggle against tiredness. Either I forced myself out of bed early and felt like crap all day or I overslept until noon and also felt like crap all day. Then at night I either went to bed early and couldn't sleep yet (on the days when I'd overslept) or I did sleep but in the next morning I still didn't feel like I'd slept enough. Sometimes I also stayed up a little too late, which meant that by the time I finally got ready for bed, I felt so terrible that the thought of setting an alarm made me want to cry.

I'm pretty sure that this is only a side-effect of my meds rather than an unexpected depressive phase or anything. At the hospital it was less noticeable because I often went to bed extremely early out of boredom or because my roommate wanted to sleep, but it was still a problem. We were woken up at seven every morning and for several weeks I never managed to actually get out of bed until a quarter past eight, when a nurse made the rounds again to remind us that it was time for the first "event" of the day - a sort of quick little ... gathering ... where they informed us of changes in the day's schedule and such. It was quite an accomplishment if I so much as managed to brush my teeth before this! >.<

Near the end I had advanced so far that I could brush my teeth and do my hair, without even needing to hurry. Breakfast was still not an option, but I'd made progress.

Why can't I at least get back to that now? I suppose I'd have to go to bed at 8:45 for it to work, or something. That's ridiculous. I mean, I could also decide that 9 am is an acceptable time to set my alarm to, but then what if I get a doctor's appointment at 7:30? I'd have trouble falling asleep early enough for that because I wouldn't be used to it anymore. And the therapist I am currently trying to ask if she's taking new patients only accepts phone calls between 7 and 8 in the morning on Mondays and Wednesdays. This week I already missed both opportunities. I need to get up early ...

faevii: (cartoon amy christmas wish)
Aw, turns out I can't visit my family today, whether I'd have decided to spend the money or not. They've been having some trouble, involving mice behind the kitchen counters and a broken dishwasher among other things, so they're going to be busy doing all kinds of housework for most of the day (such as washing the dishes in the bathtub for some weird reason that I didn't catch). Well, maybe tomorrow.

I've already done quite a number of useful things myself this morning, and with my headstart from yesterday this means that I am actually approaching a point where I'll be able to look around the place without seeing anything that bothers me. Even the living room is getting tidier, which seemed almost impossible for a while because I still have all these things from IKEA lying around that I can't put on the walls by myself. Both my mother and Daniel have offered to help, but ... I'm not really expecting that to happen anytime soon. :|

Maybe it's good that I have to stay home today - I seem to be in the right state of mind for Getting Stuff Done. I also want to watch the new Merlin episode, although I'm not sure if I'll be able to hear much with my cheap headphones. I'll try to use VLC to watch it, which would allow me to turn up the volume past 100%, but it has happened to me several times that VLC refused to play a file to the end no matter what I did. *needs new computer liek nao*

Now I'm off to be useful some more.


Friday, August 12th, 2011 01:37 pm
faevii: (ye shall not eff me)
The good news: I didn't forget my idea. The bad news: I still haven't managed to turn it into a proper plan. I scribbled down some quick notes before I went to bed last night, but they're rather vague. Very far from becoming a plan.

In case you're curious as to what kind of plan I'm even talking about, previous Plans™ of mine have included:

- eating or exercising at specific intervals
- making a to-do list every morning or before going to bed
- practising self-awareness by sticking reminders in various places
- going outside everyday, even if it's only for a minute
- limiting the time I spend at the computer
- keeping a list of potential solutions for several problems nearby
- having my phone remind me of various things


Sometimes I thought I was being all kinds of clever, like for example when I concentrated on simply not forgetting things, as opposed to resolving to actually do them. I thought this would help me get stuff done without making me feel guiltier than usual if I didn't, but in the end I got sick of the phone reminders always going off at the worst moments ever - like when I was in the bathroom or when we had guests or when I'd just sat down to eat and the phone was at the other end of the room. >.<

My new plan will be a little like these, except hopefully better. There won't be any kind of fixed schedule involved because I am basically allergic to those. The "list of potential solutions" will be reinvented and improved upon. I really think I've got it this time ... let's pretend that it isn't a thought I've had many times before, eh?

I'll try to work on it now. I'll tryyy.


Thursday, August 4th, 2011 03:35 am
faevii: (an actual sentence)
Somebody please explain to me why I am awake? I slept somewhat normally for what, three days? You'd think I'd be allowed a little more time to recover, but no. Evidently we can't have that.

By now I have moved on from making smarter shopping lists to trying my hand at meal planning, which is kind of difficult to do if you had meant to start the next day, but then you stay awake so long that you need to eat again. WTF am I supposed to eat at this time of night? More sandwiches? I'm not going to cook at four in the morning, but my last meal was sandwiches already! Argh. I suppose I could always ... sacrifice some of that chocolate pudding for the greater good. Uhm. Yes.

Seriously though, meal planning. I appear to suck at it, but mostly because I can't concentrate. I suspect it would be just my thing, otherwise. Well, I like making lists.

There is really no point to this entry at all, is there? :P
faevii: (OMGWTFBBQ!!1)
Because A wanted to stop by today, I made an extra effort and finally managed to clean up the living room a bit. Aside from that, I'm mostly busy rediscovering how much getting up in the afternoon sucks. It's so hard to find the time to go grocery shopping that way! Bah. And you can't make any important phone calls, either.

I suppose I will devote the rest of this short day to cleaning the floors, before I finally take a shower. Yikes. (I always feel the need to do these two things in that order. Since I shower every other day under normal circumstances, that means I also vacuum the kitchen and the bathroom every other day. Every sixth day or so they get mopped, and randomly I will include the hall. It works out somehow. Now, the carpeted rooms on the other hand ... no system in place at all there.)

In other news, I sort of appear to have won something. I'm not entirely sure what, or how for that matter. I participated in several free online lotteries lately, yes, but those were for prices like an XBox or a laptop! Not ... that. I'm not sure how to describe it. I suppose I have won the opportunity to play Lotto for free for three months (starting in September), with a much higher chance of winning than usual? It sounded a bit sketchy. I'm awaiting a confirmation on paper, which will hopefully make a little more sense. It would be nice though. Imagine winning €100 every week for three months, or something! Just what I need right now ...


faevii: (Default)

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