Regarding Pain

Sunday, August 7th, 2011 06:36 am
faevii: (slice of brain)
You know what? For at least half a year now, I have been noticing again and again that I don't actually experience particularly strong pain very often anymore. I notice this because whenever it does happen, it comes as a total surprise. Sleep deprivation doesn't cause as much pain as it used to, either - and I never get those weird, inexplicable swellings anymore that made my life difficult until at least late 2009 or so. Body heat problems are rare, too.

There are two things I don't understand about this: 1) What happened? Did I just magically get better? It can't be due to my own behaviour because what I am doing right now and what I did five months ago don't even have anything in common. 2) Why doesn't it affect my life more positively?

I mean, it does have positive effects. I think. Can't say what's from what, of course. But ... I don't know, it was always so terrible - you'd think I'd be relieved. Instead I only realise that the pain was gone when it comes back for a moment.

What I still suffer from is a general, uh ... how do I put this? Hypersensitivity to pressure? Basically, a friendly poke can feel like being stabbed with a knife, running into things hurts me a lot more than it would most people, and it's completely impossible for me to kneel on any surface whatsoever, not even a bed, since it would set my knees on fire. :| Among other things, this means that I have a lot of trouble opening jars, in spite of possessing the strength. It's also why I continue to doubt that attending a concert would really be a smart idea ...

Then there is some temporary, localised muscle pain caused directly by using the muscle in question, usually a sign of having slept badly. That's it, though. Everything else has either stopped happening or become rare. I don't think I even fit the diagnostic criteria for fibromyalgia anymore! But then, the last doctor I introduced myself to said it had been abandoned as an official diagnosis, anyway.

How can I still get the impression that I'm not feeling any better, if all this is true? I suppose my main problem is and has always been insomnia. Or perhaps this is another instance of my physical and mental symptoms taking turns, except this time the mental ones got a really long one. Perhaps one of these days I'll suddenly feel better mentally and the pain will be back, ha. I certainly hope not.
faevii: (slice of brain)
Sometimes I regret that I never had a chance to find out how I would have acted if I'd had internet access during my first few weeks here, when I felt so amazing. I didn't really start to miss it until things got worse - I missed certain people, yes, and I missed Google when I had a question, but I didn't miss Being Online as a way to waste spend time.

Finding things to do when I needed to sit down for more than an hour because my feet or my back had to recover was a challenge, but I got the hang of it after a while. Even other kinds of pain, which simply distracted me from whatever I started, could be helped because I was so calm that I didn't mind lying on a heating pad for 30 minutes, doing nothing. If all else failed, I went over to Daniel's to talk to him or play Dragon Age II. Sometimes I reread a book, and on one memorable occasion I even acquired a new book.

There was a time when I went for long walks really often, exercised a lot (an evolved version of my former "morning exercises", which eventually became too extensive to be done before breakfast) and spent a curious amount of time just listening to music, dancing around the place if the music invited it. :D I wouldn't exactly call this a positive development, though ... I think I may have been somewhat manic. It all felt rather compulsive, especially the walking. Still, I did have fun.

What killed it in the end was, of course, when the lack of sleep sapped the energy to do much of anything out of me, while the impulses to do all of the above remained. That was torture - I never missed the internet more in my life.

Now I've got it back, but I don't like having no other options. I hope I can soon start walking again, at least. Also, on another note, I hope can soon post my pictures! There are some of Things That I Made ... not necessarily the most exciting stuff, but I feel I need to display them as proof of the fact that I've done anything creative at all between now and two years ago.

Effort

Tuesday, January 18th, 2011 03:13 am
faevii: "I take my noodles very seriously" (srs bizness)
During the last 13 hours, I have done everything in my might that I could think of to make my neck feel better. With all the care of, uhm, a paranoid perfectionist.

The first thing I did was to lie on my heating pad for a while after going to bed (in the middle of the afternoon, but never mind that) - not without punching my pillow into the most neck-supporting shape I could manage, of course - and then I fell asleep on it, which was not part of the plan and slightly dangerous, but probably did me good. Fortunately I woke up after one or two hours of that and turned it off.

Once I had slept for what I hope was a long enough time that I'll still be somewhat awake in the morning, I got up to pee and then turned the thing back on to lie on it some more. I was half-heartedly hoping that it might make me tired again, but that didn't happen. Then I exercised a little, being extra careful both not to overdo it in any way and to move as many of my upper body muscles as possible into as many different directions as possible, and every few minutes I placed the heating pad on my shoulders for a moment to make absolutely certain that nothing could get cold.

After that I got dressed really quickly, wrapped a scarf around my neck and turned up my collar for good measure. o.O

HNGH

Thursday, December 2nd, 2010 02:43 pm
faevii: (pain and suffering)
Uh, I promise not to fall into a three-posts-a-day habit again, but this wants out.

I've been taking the new meds for two weeks now and evidently I have not completely lost my mind. So far, so good. However, I'm not seeing any positive effects, either ... unless you count having managed to sleep normally for a week due to not sleeping very well and thus being constantly tired, which I'm really not sure is a good thing. Besides, the night before last my insomnia finally won out anyway.

I'm definitely going to give it some more time, but on the other hand I'm not sure it isn't affecting my mental state negatively at all. It's just so hard to say because I've been a bit nuts for two whole months! How do I tell whether it's being made worse by the meds or not?

There's this incredible boredom I can't get rid of. I already said this about a month ago, but it feels a bit like mania and depression at the same time. Part of me is going "DO SOMETHING DO SOMETHING DO SOMETHING" like a squirrel on crack and yet I'm also completely NOT in the mood to do anything I can think of.

Occasionally this is made worse by sudden attacks of undefinied anxiety. I'm amazed I can even write at the moment because I am fidgeting rather dramatically and nearly bit through my lip a minute ago. My body is tingling as if pure adrenaline were flowing through my veins instead of blood and I have trouble breathing. SO MUCH FUN.

I don't know what it's about, I don't know what might help, I don't know anything. And it's definitely getting worse. Less and less things can hold my attention - almost every single day I lose another topic that I could previously read or hear about without getting distracted. If only I could simply go for a run or something!

Damn You Auto Correct helps sometimes. XD

Ahh, finally I can breathe again. Not that it's completely gone, but then ... it never really leaves.
faevii: (slice of brain)
I have a cold. Pretty bad one. It saved me.

... This is going to be hard to explain, isn't it. :D Well, no - actually, it's pretty simple: Suddenly I can sleep at night! Oh, the wonders of enforced physical tiredness.

But there's more to it than just that. I always start to feel strangely calm and content when I'm inflicted with a proper, normal, boring-ass illness that anyone can get at any time. Sounds psychological, and to an extent it probably is, but I also have this theory that the "something is actually wrong for once; you need rest" signals somehow override whatever it is that's usually telling my body to be on constant alert. And lo, I relax. It's like maaaaagic.

Still insane though. :P

Outside of the moments when my head was hurting too badly or my temperature was doing funny things, these past two days haven't been so bad. I just had to fill and turn on the dishwasher and didn't mind, FFS.

(Remember, the first step when I'm feeling better than usual is always to start helping with the laundry. Sometimes the dishwasher comes next, but it's been a while since I even got as far as the laundry. As for why I had to ... Daniel is asleep, I am hungry and there are no clean plates or cutlery to be seen anywhere. o.O)
faevii: (pain and suffering)
I can't sleep. Which is kind of a small catastrophe because I happen to have an appointment in about 30 hours. Now if I wait until I'm exhausted enough that sleep becomes inevitable, I'll wake up in the afternoon and be unable to sleep the next night. If I try to stay awake, I'll probably fail. What to do??

The one thing that nobody ever seems to understand about me is that I can't just "make an exception" and haul myself out of bed after only five hours of sleep from time to time. I, on the other hand, have trouble imagining how anyone can. It's supposed to be a small sacrifice or something. A bit annoying. You'll simply be tired that day. Ha!

What happens when I try to get up in spite of not having slept enough is that I feel extremely disoriented, nauseous and dizzy while my heart starts thumping as if I were running a marathon rather than sitting upright in bed. Perhaps understandably, I often can't handle this for longer than a few seconds and simply decide to lie down again. If I dare to defy the odds, though, chances are that a few minutes later I'll be stumbling about the place, running into walls, babbling nonsense and possibly scaring the shit out of Timo. Can you see why I'd want to avoid that?!

Usually it doesn't even get better with time. Very rarely breakfast and some caffeine will do the trick, but in general it's way more likely that I'll be a nuisance to anyone present for a few hours and finally fall asleep on the sofa.

I keep thinking I must be exaggerating when I describe this, but then it happens again and I'm like, "Oh. So it was really that bad."

One hour early, that I can handle most of the time. Anything worse than that is hardly worth trying.

Recommendation #1

Wednesday, September 29th, 2010 12:47 pm
faevii: (slice of brain)
I just started to try out one of the things that my mother's acquaintance told me about last week. There's this plant-based pulver powder (oops) that she takes every morning in place of a normal breakfast (you're technically allowed to eat breakfast in addition to it, but it's filling), which helps her so much that she's now almost completely painfree and even sleeps better. She did say that she also knows people for whom it didn't work, but there's no harm in trying.

You have to order it online, which I did right after she left. It seemed expensive at first glance, but the FAQ informed me that it's actually not because it lasts for about two months and will likely replace all the breakfast foods you would otherwise have to buy. Makes sense to me, except for the part where I'm mildly creeped out at the thought of never eating breakfast again. o_O

Yesterday I received my first 500g box of the stuff in the mail and a few hours ago I gave it a try. You have to stir a tablespoon of powder into a liquid of your choice, down it as fast as possible and then drink some more because it's slightly dehydrating. I went with water to find out what it would taste like on its own, but it turned out to be surprisingly bland, so I think I'll use oat milk tomorrow.

Of course I'm not feeling any effects yet. That's supposed to take a few days, but I was curious as to whether I would actually be satiated afterwards. It was interesting - I definitely noticed a reduction of hunger, but it felt odd without the presence of proper food in my stomach. It was like satiety slowly snuck up on me until I finally had to admit that it was in fact there. What a strange sensation.

Sadly the product's website is only available in German, but if I find that it helps me, I imagine I'll eventually end up translating what it is and how it (supposedly) works for those of you who don't happen to speak my native language.
faevii: (pain and suffering)
Holy shit am I relieved right now. I used to think the only way to remove warts was to cut them out, and I had heard from someone who had this done that it was supposed to be terribly painful. And then ... a bunch of warts grew on my fingers. D: But! Today it finally occured to me to consult google, and thus I learned that the most effective treatment is actually to apply salicylic acid! Plus you can try to suffocate the things by covering the area with duct tape for about two weeks, but that's impractical and pretty hard to do right. Still, it's another option.

Phewww. I really should have thought of that sooner. Possibly years sooner, since I suspect I got them by accidentally touching a wart on my toe. That one never bothered me much, so I just ignored it. I had no idea that they could spread. Shouldn't that be taught in schools or something?! In biology, perhaps?

Important info, kids: If you have warts, don't touch them or you will soon have more! Also, removing them isn't as painful as you might have heard!

Honestly, they should do that. My mother doesn't seem to know it yet, either - I know she's had a wart on her toe for about as long as I've been alive. The website also said that sometimes they go away on their own, but clearly our immune systems aren't good at that.

ETA: Apple cider vinegar might also help and some sources say that you only need to do the duct tape thing for six days.
faevii: (OMGWTFBBQ!!1)
Health news: Researchers have found a way to reset the "internal clock" of mice. Wow. If that turns out to work on humans ... *_*

- sauce (Well, actually I found it on a German website, I just googled the name of the researcher afterwards.)

Uh, and also. I was going to end this post here, but I noticed something curious while going through the search results. The German articles all mentioned that a disrupted sleep rhythm increases your risk for diabetes and heart disease, but none of the English ones that I checked did (and I checked quite a few). On the other hand, none of the German articles OR the English ones on lesser known websites mentioned obesity, while the popular ones were all, "OMG it might even help with THAT." One time it was the first sentence. Hello? Afraid nobody will show interest otherwise?!
faevii: (happiness)
I HAS A TENS MACHINE OMG *happy dance*

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