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Thursday, December 6th, 2012 02:20 am
faevii: (Default)
Oh look, I have thought of something to say.

People keep asking me if I have any plans for Christmas yet. And I just ... I just wonder what the hell kind of plans they imagine I might have?? If it's my mother asking, does she think I'm going to invite Daniel and eat Christmas food with him as if we were still living together or what?? Anyone else might at least be expecting me to say "Oh, I'm going to visit my family." Which I'm sure I will at some point, or they'll visit me or we'll do something together, but not on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day because they're celebrating with her boyfriend's family, where at least one dog and one cat will be present. I dont want to join them anyway, I've only met the guy once and would feel awkward.

To be honest, living alone has completely taken away my interest in holidays. I would buy Timo a present if I could, but I imagine that I won't be able to afford both a Christmas present and a birthday present, so if I have to choose, I'm going to go with the latter. Seeing him is currently not an option because I'm not feeling well physically and I don't want to risk making him sad by having to cancel at the last minute. Never mind that the foster parents would probably be against doing it around Christmas, what with the emotional turmoil that such meetings tend to cause. I'm very unhappy with this, but not because Christmas is coming. I would miss him just as much if it were freaking September.

Back to the topic of plans, I really doubt that Daniel will be in town, but even if we were to hang out, it wouldn't be any different than hanging out at any other time. He usually has less money than I do, so there will be no presents. I don't have any Christmas decorations, so my flat will look the same as always. I suppose we could play board games and eat fancy chocolate together (as I used to do with my family), which would be something new, but as I said, he probably won't even be in town.

Do I have anyone else to spend Christmas with?? No. So what the fuck is my mother asking these questions for. Repeatedly. e_e

I don't mean to sound bitter, honestly - if people stopped bringing it up, it wouldn't bother me at all. I'm looking forward to seeing my family sometime between the 26th and New Year's Eve, just like I did when we recently went to Ikea together. What I'm trying to get across here is that I couldn't care less whether or not it is Christmas. I used to love Christmas for several reasons that all had to do with people I lived with, of which there currently ARE NONE, so I'm going to enjoy the seasonal candy and otherwise carry on as always. It's no reason to be sad, goddammit.

Now that I've written this, I do wonder if I should try to make an effort after all, though. Just for the fun of it. Because extra fun can't hurt, right? Perhaps I could invite some more people over for board games on one of the other days? Ask some internet friends if we could send each other cards? Buy one or two cheap decorations or make some myself??

... And I honestly didn't think I'd be giving out presents to anyone but Timo, but what if I baked something? I could manage that, hopefully?? How about my crafty hobbies, macramé and origami? My younger sister hasn't got a bracelet from me yet - uh, I think - and I've actually had a pretty original idea for my mother. I'd just have to buy some material, and if A finally GIVES ME MY FREAKING BIRTHDAY PRESENT, which happens to be a gift certificate for a craft store, I wouldn't really have to pay for it. I can't think of anything for my brother, though, or Daniel. Well, Daniel would be surprised enough if I presented him with baked goods. :D Anyone not meeting up with me in person would definitely only get a card because shipping ...

Oh my goodness. This post just totally turned inside out and upside down, didn't it.
faevii: (ye shall not eff me)
I saw this nice-looking "Christmas tree" candle holder today that was relatively big and not that expensive - why didn't I buy it?! I've wanted something like that for years because I am kind of against killing trees just to decorate your living room with them temporarily. Okay, technically what I had in mind was still a bit bigger, but you have to take what you can get, right? Silly me, deciding to be reasonable and save money even with something like that in front of my nose.

Anyway, this morning was a bit weird because for a while it was basically an exact reenactment of Friday morning. Both times I'd deliberately stayed awake two nights before, both times I'd gone to bed in the afternoon and nearly overslept regardless, both times I practically jumped out of bed and straight into the shower instead of eating breakfast first as I usually do ... and so on. Then A picked me up to drive me to the ALDI market in another town; ours is currently being rebuilt and therefore closed. Which is impractical because I normally buy a lot of things there.

So she helped me out with that and afterwards I quickly popped inside the store directly next to it as well, which incidentally happens to be the one I always went to during my hospital stay; the one selling all of those amazing, lactose-free and gluten-free things. I finally caved and bought some bread. BREAD. BREEEAADD. *___* (Also incidentally, and this is funny, I ended up there on Friday, too - that time I just didn't have enough money for gluten-free bread with me. I had no idea I'd remain such a regular customer even after going back home!)

Come to think of it, it's kind of ironic that I resisted a thing I'd wanted for years only to buy some expensive freaking food. -_-


faevii: (Default)

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