how do you food

Saturday, February 4th, 2012 04:32 am
faevii: "I take my noodles very seriously" (srs bizness)
Oh my goodness. It has come to my attention that some of the tiredness I've been suffering from lately may have been due to the beginnings of a simple iron deficiency. Thank you, random Tumblr post that had nothing to do with me whatsoever and that I got very close to not even seeing. D: I don't think I would have figured this out by myself! If it's true, that is. But it makes sense - I had noticed that something about it felt slightly different than usual.

Here's how I believe it happened:

- I realised that I could eat dairy and grains again.
- I ate a lot of dairy and found that I didn't seem to need meat anymore.
- I stopped eating meat altogether.
- Because I didn't need beans and chickpeas for protein anymore (cheaper than meat; what little meat I used to eat was probably in response to beans and chickpeas lacking fat), I kind of forgot about those a bit. Same with tofu, although I never bought that regularly in the first place (not cheaper than meat).

I've been reading up on iron-rich foods, and what did I find out? Dairy not only doesn't contain much iron, it even makes it harder for the body to absorb the stuff. Meat is obviously the best source of iron, and iron from other sources is harder to absorb in general. Vitamin C helps with that, but I probably haven't been consuming enough vitamin C, either. Both beans and tofu contain decent amounts of iron. Need I say more?? The timing fits, too.

Now, I know you're supposed to get deficiencies confirmed by a doctor before you start taking supplements, but I'm not really up to that sort of thing at the moment. I'll just try to keep an eye on the iron in my diet and drink a lot of orange juice during meals. Maybe if I can find a comparatively weak iron supplement somewhere, I'll also take that. I don't think it's easy to get an overdose while being vegetarian.

'By the way, about that ...' - in which I go off on a tangent on what's up with the sudden vegetarianism )

Revelations

Sunday, December 4th, 2011 12:49 pm
faevii: (happiness)
Yesterday afternoon I had three good ideas. One was to call my mother and tell her about the Daniel situation (I apologise for the reference to a locked post in a public one), because she seemed like a safe person to talk to about it. I mean, he's probably never going to find out that I told her unless I admit it myself, so ... no harm done, right? I just needed to tell someone. We didn't continue our discussion from the last time we talked, but that was alright, too. It's still in the back of my head and I'm going to bring it up again sooner or later.

Incidentally, another of the ideas was related to that. I'd been unsure of what exactly to say to her and then it suddenly came to me. (This was before I called her, I think - or was it? I don't remember, but it wouldn't have made a difference. There wasn't enough time for both topics because she had stuff to do.) It's very simple: I am going to use the example that if you take two equally ambitious people and give them the exact same goal (which they are equally enthusiastic about) as well as the exact same obstacle to overcome in order to reach it, there is still a chance that one will succeed and one won't. Now, exchange the obstacle for a different one and maybe this time their roles will be reversed. Because it's not about motivation! People have unique strengths and weaknesses and if your problem happens to be something that you're bad at dealing with, it doesn't matter how much you want to overcome it. You will need time or help at the very least, if not both, and perhaps you'll have to change goals entirely. There. Try to argue with that. :P

(I get ridiculously excited when I discover a new way to explain something. I like to think of people who don't understand things as puzzles to solve. Getting closer to solving them is even more fun than finding the solution to an actual problem! Oh gods I just used my brain and it worked oh gods I can still be smart sometimes alert the fucking media I feel amazing oh gods.)

((This is exactly why my mother once suggested I become a lawyer.))

(((I do not wish to become a lawyer. I'd rather solve puzzles that don't involve arbitrary human-made laws, thanks.)))

third idea cut for overall post length; sleep schedule stuff )

So I set my alarm to 8, went to bed at 6, needed to hit the "snooze" button three times despite having slept for 14 hours, and finally crawled out of bed feeling terrible physically but extremely pleased with myself. :D
faevii: (ye shall not eff me)
While I'm awake anyway, I figure I might as well get this unwritten post out of my system before it becomes obsolete like the last one. (Yeah. The one I kept alluding to in my subject lines. That happened.)

One day at the hospital, I spent several hours working on a diagram that was supposed to explain the relationships between my various symptoms, how they influenced each other and which belonged together as a group. I nearly gave up in frustration once or twice, but in the end I was quite proud of the result. I thought I had it all sorted.

When I look at that piece of paper now, I can only shake my head. This is a thing that happens to me on a frighteningly regular basis. Another example is my "level three craziness" tag, which I didn't feel the need to use for a while and then I forgot under which conditions exactly I used to do so. A few days ago I tried to figure this out by reading the entries that were already tagged with it, but I discovered that what had appeared to be a connected set of circumstances to me at the time was now nothing but a completely random assortment of unrelated things anymore. I still don't quite understand why I thought they were one big issue back then.

Today - er, I mean yesterday - as I was walking into town to get groceries, I spontaneously came up with a much simpler method of describing the mess in my head than that blasted diagram. I mean, I was surprised to find that I could suddenly keep track of everything without having to resort to colour-coded categories and a complex arrangement of arrows. It's hardly more than a list now, really. :)

Behind the cut follows, of course, the list. )

So that was that. I had to leave out the concentration thingie because I still don't have a clue what causes it. I'm not currently experiencing it, by the way - it just disappeared one day and hasn't returned since. Of course I can't concentrate well when I'm extremely tired, but the rest of the time I don't have much trouble anymore.
faevii: (ye shall not eff me)
Didn't I want to go to bed? Eh. I just remembered something and the washing machine isn't done yet anyway, so whatever. :P

When I went grocery shopping today, I saw a person whose gender remained a mystery to me the entire time. It struck me how rarely that happens in such a small town, and besides it was likely not even an intended effect. I don't think I have ever seen an openly gay couple in any of the small towns I've lived in over the course of my life, either. There are just not enough of us for any kind of LGBT~ community to form in places that only have around nine thousand inhabitants total, or even twenty thousand. It's frustrating.

How often have I been given the same, friendly advice that if I'm feeling lonely, I should visit this or that place to meet some new people? And I want to, but I can't get over how unlikely it is that anyone there will even have heard of some of the things that I identify as. (Plus I am also mentally ill and have never had a job - I might as well inhabitate a different universe as the majority of people that I meet. Especially that last fact takes away quite a number of potential topics to talk about.)

For a few days right at the start of my hospital stay, there was a lesbian there and the others seemed to accept her just fine. Seeing that made me feel a little better, but it wasn't like I could relate to her much, either. By the by, I've noticed that as far as I remember, nobody has ever assumed me to be a lesbian in spite of my short hair and the lack of make-up etc., which is curious considering how often people normally tend to jump to that sort of conclusion. I'm beginning to suspect that I actually come across as asexual, or possibly just so strange that it overshadows everything else. IDK. Or maybe they think it's all part of my perceived "shyness" (which I wouldn't personally call that but I'm too tired to come up with a better word right now).

The point is (ahaha, not that again ... *quickly shuts up inner drunk Crowley*), I spend a lot of time thinking about moving to a city. Or rather Hamburg, because it's the closest one and I've got no reason to move away farther than necessary. Recently I even overheard Tommy remark, to a girl who appeared to be unhappy with her living situation, that she should move to Hamburg because the "athmosphere" (or some similar word) there was so much better or more relaxed or something, which immediately brought back all of my silly ideas of the great big city as a magical wonderland. And Daniel told me that he discovered this super cool place somewhere in Hamburg that is kind of a bar/restaurant/café hybrid, where all the regulars appeared to be awesome people and that I totally wanted to visit after he'd finished his tale.

But ... but I don't like cities. They're loud, and there's movement everywhere you look and so many lights and tall buildings and ... I just find such places exhausting, alright? =_=; worse than furniture stores

My mother calls herself a Hamburgian although she doesn't live there anymore. I find her identification with the city fascinating; it makes me want to experience that feeling myself.

I don't know. This is all very odd. I can't stop thinking about it because it keeps coming up on its own. I guess the best I can do is to start spending time there occasionally to see how it affects me. :S

(Washing machine definitely done now. Why did this get so long?!)
faevii: "I take my noodles very seriously" (srs bizness)
One of the things that I never really notice while I'm reading a book, but never fail to notice once I start talking about said book, is whether there are any good female characters in it. Or how female characters are treated in general, or how many there actually are.

This is why I almost think of Havemercy as a guilty pleasure of sorts. I mean, I don't really have guilty pleasures; I enjoy things for the aspects that I like and am perfectly capable of doing so without feeling bad about the aspects that I don't like. However, some mild embarrassment does creep up on me occasionally, usually coupled with instant defensiveness. ("What?!," I demand of my imaginary critics. "I only like this for the ...")

Havemercy (this is not a post about Havemercy, much as I may be giving off that impression) is a very entertaining book and I am looking forward to reading the sequel whenever I can get my hands on it, but evidently it has some issues. How can a book written by not one, but two women be so completely devoid of interesting female characters?! I have read it twice by now and I'm almost certain that during the first two thirds or so, only a single one is even mentioned - and she's an exaggeratedly awful person. Later several more appear, but it's not like we find out much about those.

That said, may I please marry Royston?? I'm in love with his words, of which he has so many (can definitely relate there, ha). I am also fascinated by all the things that he notices, mostly because I wouldn't. I think the ability to Notice Things is something that attracts me in people in general - perhaps a survival trait, as at least one person in a couple should probably have it. :P

Another book I have recently read for a second time is The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms. When I started to read it for the first time, I think I mentioned on here that I had some trouble getting into it, but it turned out to be pretty awesome in the end. In order for me to enjoy a book, it needs to have at least one out of the following: fascinating characters, a fascinating plot or a narrator with a fascinating "voice". The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms doesn't really have the latter, hence my original lack of enthusiasm. However, I came to love it soon enough as the fascinating characters started to appear and the plot became apparent ... and from time to time the narrator did have something witty to say, too.

Obligatory fansquee: NAHADOTH. (That is really all I need to say.)

Also, I rather love the whole mythology of the book's world and what the gods are like in it and the scenes that mess with reality a bit and and and- NAHADOTH.

Ahem.

Anything else that I reread while I didn't have internet, I already commented on when it was new. And then I had the pleasure of being able to read something that was new: Patrick Rothfuss's The Wise Man's Fear, the long-awaited sequel of The Name of the Wind.

When I sat down on my bed with that very large book in my hands, I hesitated to open it for a moment, afraid that I would be disappointed. Ten minutes later I was as absorbed in the story as always, so I guess I needn't have worried, but I must confess that it really wasn't as good as its predecessor. This came as no surprise to me, since in my opinion The Name of the Wind is practically perfect. In The Wise Man's Fear, I noticed several too drawn-out descriptions, one minor continuity error and a handful of things that seemed repetitive, which wouldn't even have bothered me in any other book and only stuck out in this instance because it came after something that had none of those things.

... that I noticed. Which, you know. But never mind.

Elodin was quite unexpectedly promoted to the position of Favourite Character - I never realised how his previous portrayal had been bothering me until it stopped. Basically, if I were to start listing my favourite scenes, it would go something like "That time when Elodin was on that roof, that time when Elodin was on that other roof, that time when ... OH SHIT DID THE THING ON THAT ROOF REALLY HAPPEN." I don't know what he's doing on roofs all the time, but it leads to awesome so that's okay.

And! Another favourite scene was when Mola totally saved the day. Here we go again with the female characters - I think PR's doing a fine job of it.

I could say more, in fact I suspect I could write several essays, but I'd better stop here. :)
faevii: "I take my noodles very seriously" (srs bizness)
On the whole, my first week alone was amazing. The floor in the hall wasn't done yet, there was no light in the kitchen and all I had to cook with was a single pot, but it was great. Thanks to a number of factors such as less allergens in the air, a better mattress and practically no stress whatsoever (to only name a few), I slept better and had much more energy. I could concentrate better and going outside was suddenly not a problem anymore. Showering was easy. I never got bored. BASICALLY IT WAS AWESOME OKAY. :D

My wrists became terribly dry because I wasn't used to doing the dishes by hand and my feet hurt because I wasn't used to not wearing shoes inside, but eventually I adapted. I visited Timo every single day and probably played with him more than when we were still living together. I enjoyed being able to do whatever I wanted whenever I felt like it, and not having to worry about things being Potentially Dirty because I knew what was clean and what wasn't. Since I didn't have much money left after buying a vacuum cleaner and such, I even discovered that €15 could get me through an entire week if I was careful.

Then I suddenly couldn't eat wheat anymore.

...

Yeah. I actually laughed, you know. I don't know why, but my first reaction was this kind of hysterical amusement. Of course that would happen right after I'd finally managed to get the hang of living with lactose intolerance. Of course that would happen while I was basically broke and thought I'd figured out how to survive on €15 a week. WHEN ELSE. GOODBYE, CHEAP BREAD.

While I was still unsure what was going on, there was a day on which I cried for hours and hours, mostly due to the debilitating stomach cramps but also because I was scared. And possibly mourning noodles, while fervently hoping it was something else. It wasn't. When I finally stopped eating anything of the kind, my stomach felt better immediately and the rest of my body within two or three days. That could hardly be a coincidence.

I have since been tested for Celiac Disease (gluten intolerance), but either that's not it or the doctor made a mistake. Like, I don't know, maybe forgetting to tell me that I still needed to be eating the stuff for it to work. I have yet to ask him, since my next appointment is not until two weeks from now because I thought I'd also have my lactose intolerance officially confirmed while I was at it, and something went wrong with that test. >_<

Scraping the money together that I suddenly needed to feed myself for the rest of the month wasn't easy, but fortunately I had help. I also ate a lot of rice, and I was extremely grateful for all the positive effects from moving out that I still felt. Without them I would have been screwed.

(Ironic icon choice is ironic.)

Hooray

Thursday, July 7th, 2011 11:57 pm
faevii: (happiness)
Today has been one of the nicest birthdays I've had in several years. Not too exciting, but really nice. :) And not a single bad thing happened, unless you count the fact that I didn't get much sleep. It hardly made a difference.

Before I even went to bed, I already had some fun because I was still online after midnight, and so were [livejournal.com profile] dollrock, [personal profile] zanzando and [personal profile] chasingthunder (for whom it wasn't midnight yet). Between Twitter and here, I talked to all three of you at the same time once, which was awesome because for some reason I hardly ever manage to be online at the right moment to have ongoing conversations like that with one person, never mind three. It was excellent timing.

I was also pleasantly surprised just by how many people wished me a happy birthday. I doubt all of them truly cared (nor did I care whether some of them cared, if you get my meaning), but it was still nice to see an email notification pop up every few minutes.

We'll skip the part where I slept badly and then spent what little was left of the morning doing boring stuff. Moving on. I needed to go grocery shopping, so of course I reasoned that since it was my birthday, I was allowed to spend a little more money than usual. That's why I am now surrounded by luxuries - ahem - such as pomegranate-flavoured iced tea and two types of lactose-free chocolate. I'm pretty sure I deserve that much after two months of (mostly) sticking to the basics.

Then Daniel came over, who proudly announced that even though he didn't have a present for me yet, he at least knew what to get me already. Heh. As we waited for my family to show up, I got a phone call from the social worker known here as A, who asked if she could quickly stop by to drop off my present. Which she then did. I'd given her a list of several CDs to choose from and was quite delighted to discover that the one she'd actually bought me was my current favourite, Biffy Clyro's Infinity Land. :D She also gave me a mug (always useful) and some more chocolate.

My mother and my sisters arrived while she was still there, so now they've met. My brother stayed home, which turned out to be oddly convenient because we wanted to go to the lake and this way Daniel fit into the car, too.

The first thing we did once we got there was to try out the recently overhauled restaurant by the water - I hadn't had the time to eat a proper lunch. For a moment we were all decidedly baffled by the menu, especially me since I needed to figure out which of the items on it I could eat without endangering my health, and none of us even knew what half of them were. Fortunately, a very friendly and patient waitress soon came to our rescue. She not only answered all of our questions, but even picked up on the nature of my particular problem without being prompted and asked me what it was that I couldn't eat so that she could have the cook put something unique together. It was such a relief; I'm not used to people being helpful anymore!

In the end, I think most of us were happy with what we found on our plates.

After that we just walked around for some time, talking and enjoying the scenery. Also, this happened:

E and M crossing a stream by balancing on a very thin ... something

In case you're wondering, nobody fell into the water. Daniel pwned us all by casually walking over the thing as if it were no big deal. :D I considered giving it a go myself, but seeing as I was suffering from moderate dizziness at the time, I decided that it would be a Very Bad Idea.

My mother's present is that she will take me to IKEA in two weeks or so and pay for one or two of the bigger things I'll pick. This makes me happy on several levels. (I know I mentioned on Twitter that I was postponing my IKEA trip to August, but I'm relatively certain I've discovered a way to do the shopping now and pay later, so that's not necessary anymore.)

Last but not least, they brought me my old keyboard. I'd left it at their place when I moved out because I didn't have the space for it and knew that my mother wished she could keep it, but recently I found myself missing it. When I mentioned this to her, she said she didn't need it anymore and of course it was still mine anyway, so I could have it back. I just hadn't been expecting to see it today, at all. That was another pleasant surprise.

On the whole, not a bad way to celebrate having survived a quarter of a century.

I think the waitress assumed I was underage. XD
faevii: "I sacrificed a bathtub for this!" (sacrifice)
Told you there was going to be a post. Although, actually it is kind of rare for me to actually do the things I announce I am going to do, isn't it? At least not this soon.

so, EXTRA SPECIAL Dragon Age II screencaps )

I love it when other people post their characters, by the way. It's always so interesting to see what kinds of facial features they chose.
faevii: (raised eyebrow)
I always find it oddly comforting that many of the books on my doctor's shelf are in English. I realise that being able to read those is probably expected of medical students these days, so it's really nothing special, but ... IDK. I just like seeing them there.

Today I noticed that one of them has the rather dramatic-sounding title The Headaches. Hee. Could be a band name ... or a bad movie. Actually, I just googled that and discovered that there is a band called The Headaches on Myspace. They're German. XD

I finally brought up my hair loss issue, to which he unsurprisingly said that I'll need to have blood drawn. Tomorrow I already have a different appointment (busy week), but I'll see if I can do it the day after that. I also mentioned the spontaneous bouts of stomach pain that I've been getting with increasing frequency lately, which he'll look into once we've got the results of the blood test.

The main reason why I was there, though (yeah, never mind the crippling pain and hair loss), was that I had to pick up a referral and a copy of the report that the hospital I was in last year sent to him. Tomorrow's appointment is with a new psychiatrist and I needed those for that. For some reason I keep getting the impression that he doesn't want me to see that report - the first time I asked for it (months ago, before an appointment that I cancelled), he waved me off and said he could just fax it there himself, and today (when there was a problem with his fax machine) he gave it to me in a closed envelope. Well, tough shit. I know I have a right to read my own medical documents, so I just opened the freaking thing.

It was very ... illuminating. I think I'm finally beginning to understand why people keep misdiagnosing me when it comes to mental health. It's not what I say, it's body language and stuff like that. The report was full of sentences like "This is how she moved, this is how she spoke and this is HOW I PERSONALLY THINK SHE MUST HAVE FELT though she never said anything to that effect." e_e

It all makes sense now! No wonder their assessments never seem to fit; everyone reads me wrong. Even Daniel, who knows me very well and is rather observant, doesn't always get it right. So I guess I'll have to make an effort to constantly point out my thoughts and feelings to avoid misunderstandings in the future? :S

Part of it is physical, too. When I'm in pain, I often just ... freeze. Obviously that'll make people who don't know that I'm in pain think I'm scared or apathetic. And when I'm tired or exhausted ... well, of course I don't move much, either. Yes, I can see how this might cause me to appear depressed while I'm not. Gah.

Ambitions

Sunday, October 3rd, 2010 04:27 pm
faevii: (Default)
Having a totally random moment of "Fuck, lots of people out there who aren't me have things like work experience and an education." And I mean that in the sense of wanting the experience, not feeling inferior or anything. Which is weird because I don't even remember the last time I had a thought like that. I guess I was distracted by all the stuff I learned through the internet? And too busy fighting off other problems to really pay attention to what I might be missing out on, of course.

I love learning. If I hadn't enjoyed going to school so much, I wouldn't have made half the effort I did to stay in it. Even when I realised that I hadn't attended a single chemistry lesson for a month* and the only reason why I wasn't failing everything yet was that the teachers felt sorry for me, I still made an effort. I still dragged myself to school two or three days a week and spent the others sitting at home being miserable because I wanted to go.

Several people I had almost forgotten about added me on Facebook recently. Usually I feel slightly embarrassed when they ask me what I've been up to because it's very hard to answer that without coming across as either trying to garner sympathy or being a total loser.

Today all I feel is envy.

I always wanted to attend a university one day. Never really got around to deciding what exactly I'd like to study, but there were so many things I considered. So much knowledge. I wanted to find out more about anything and everything. I wanted to find cures for diseases and invent things and become a translator or possibly a lawyer. Money was always on the back of my mind, a chronic fear that I wouldn't be able to get a good job without further education, but my main motivation was still curiosity.

... I'm starting to sound like a certain fictional character here. Yikes.

Anyway, the point is that I'm suddenly all jealous of People Who Know Things. Ever since I made the choice to get my own place, I've had this secret plan to spend most of my free time reading books on whichever random subjects that interest me I'll be able to find in the library once I've moved out. And finally teaching myself how to draw properly. It's a bit silly because I feel like I'm once again waiting for some Big Change to happen before I can start doing what I want to, but I really don't have the energy, patience or money to do much right now and I'm reasonably sure that most of that will change.

*And it was one of my favourite subjects, too. For a while we only had chemistry on Wednesdays and during that month my worst days always happened to be Wednesdays. Yes, I'm still bitter about it. Fucking Wednesdays.
faevii: (slice of brain)
I'm beginning to get tired of saying this, but I had another lightbulb moment. ;D Don't you just love it when something very spontaneously starts to make sense? As in, you're innocently walking towards the bathroom sink, minding your own business - and all of a sudden the SENSE attacks you out of nowhere?! D: (Okay, apparently I think I'm funny today. I do that sometimes.)

Anyway, you might remember that I've written about the word "crazy" before, and that I said I had trouble understanding why some people found it offensive. Although I recognised that it was more of a personal thing based on unusual connotations, I also had a logical argument to offer: namely that it hasn't been an official term for quite some time now and thus no longer even refers to actual mental illness - or shouldn't, at least.

Here's the thing, though. I just remembered something. I remembered that when I was a child, long before I ever heard of the various types of mental illness that exist, I thought there was a condition called "craziness". I thought that "crazy" people were extremely confused, scary and sometimes dangerous. Most importantly, I was convinced that it was impossible for a crazy person to be aware of their own craziness. That is not okay.

I don't think I picked up this notion anywhere in particular - I probably didn't have to. I mean, what are children supposed to think? What is a five-year-old supposed to think upon hearing someone joke, "if you think you're going crazy, chances are you're not"?

And it's not like I magically stopped thinking this way as soon as I learned about depression and anxiety. I was only surprised, for a moment, that there were mental illnesses that didn't make you properly crazy. Schizophrenia, though? Surely, that must be the "real" craziness! I believe I was a teenager by the time I reached this point, and fortunately I never stopped learning. Others get stuck somewhere along the way, and THAT'S why it's a problem. Lo and behold, I get it now!

Of course we're not all spreading harmful misinformation every single time we use the word. "I'm crazy busy!" or "That was a crazy party!" hardly tell children anything about its meaning. However, those phrases do distract from the fact that it has a meaning, and don't do anything to counteract the misinformation that's already circulating. "You'd have to be crazy in order to think that!" or "What a crazy bitch!" confirm that it must mean something bad, though, and reinforce actual bigots in their thinking.

That's the crucial point: We, the people who can make it through an entire post about this topic, are hardly the problem. We just accidentally encourage those who are and make it harder for anyone to identify them - we unknowingly provide them with cover and ammunition.

I refuse to participate in any of that. I won't use the word anymore unless I'm calling myself crazy in a value-neutral way. :) It's not about being "politically correct" or never wanting to piss anyone off, ever - I just really dislike misinformation. Also, plz to not be teaching the next generation that people like me are all monsters.
faevii: (in the name of justice)
OMG, why oh why did somebody link me to this terrible failboat of a comment thread? Aaahh!!

I don't expect any of you to read it, or much of it. I'm just including the link to explain where this sudden bout of outrage is coming from.

Honestly, people of the world - when you complain about having to listen to a child cry, ZOMG, does it not occur to you that you might be talking about A SAD, SCARED OR OTHERWISE SUFFERING PERSON?? If you, yourself, have never broken down crying in public, good for you. It has happened to me. I was 21. I AM NOT FREAKING SORRY. Same for children who are outright screaming: I have screamed when I was in pain, but luckily I was not in public at the time. If I had been, would you have felt annoyed or concerned??

Sure, children are way more likely than adults to scream instead of crying silently. Children also, occasionally, cry or scream for silly reasons. Does that mean the one child you saw on the bus the other day was definitely not in pain or scared? Nope. So STFU.

Also, adults are loud sometimes. Adults are rude sometimes. Nobody's saying that loud people (young or old) shouldn't be asked to leave if they're disturbing the athmosphere of a library or a fancy restaurant. But you can't tell these people (young or old) from others before they enter, so if you want to keep all children out of libraries and fancy restaurants, you're not only discriminating against quiet children, but you're also doing nothing to protect yourself from loud adults. Likewise, nobody's saying that rude people (young or old) can't ruin your evening out and that you should simply learn to tolerate them better. But when mothers are upset because they feel like they can't go anywhere unless they leave their children with a babysitter, the right course of action is NOT to point out that a kid poured wine on your shirt once.

What I'm seeing there reminds me of the time I made a post that was essentially about being nicer to people who aren't very intelligent, and hilariously some of the comments were like, "OMG you want stupid people to be surgeons!" or "OMG you're a socialist - well guess what, there'd be no place for stupid people in a socialist society either!!" o_O All I wanted was to question the prevalent attitude that it's completely okay to make fun of people for being "stupid" and that someone who doesn't have the skills to take on a higher-paying job totally "deserves" to be poor. I don't know what my IQ is, but I didn't pick it on purpose. I didn't choose to be good at mathematics, physics and languages, either. It just happened. Am I supposed to feel superior due to this stroke of luck or something?

As a matter of fact, I don't want intelligent people with atrocious fine motor skills to become surgeons, either. That's not discrimination, that just MAKES SENSE. But if you had to be a surgeon in order to not be poor and I said, "Well, your fine motor skills suck, so what's it to me if you're struggling to survive!" - that would be quite unfair.

(Also, I'm not a socialist. Just for the record. Nice try though.)

I don't know why this happens. I don't know why, if someone nicely suggests that we be a little nicer to children, people get all up in arms about it, either. Nobody's asking you to NOT BE ANNOYED by stupid people or children - or stupid children, for that matter (lulz, ain't I funny). Just, how about not glaring at them before they've even done anything. How about considering that they might have feelings. How about trying to imagine how frustrating it can be to be a child (or to be considered stupid). How about reprimanding people for concrete actions instead of judging them in advance. Is that rocket science?

When I see a crying child, I wonder WHY. You'd think I was some sort of freak.
faevii: (x-files love)
The only way I get to see any new (or at least relatively new) movies these days is when Daniel either wants to waste money by renting one and I don't feel like talking him out of it or he persuades me to watch one on a streaming site with him. Either way, I usually look forward to it once the decision had been made because I do enjoy the whole experience, but I never react with much enthusiasm when he suggests a title. It's either "No way, not that one!" or "Alright, why not."

... well, that's what it was until he suggested Sherlock Holmes, that is. XD In that case my reaction was closer to OMG YES PLEASE WHEN CAN WE START. :O (I'm sure that wasn't at all suspicious. "Uhm. I mean. People on the internet ... said it was ... good?") He'd already seen the first half online once, but had to stop due to bad quality or something. Yesterday he rented it and we watched it properly.

I have to admit that I am not familiar with the original novels or any earlier screen adaptions, although something tells me I must have at least read an abridged version of The Hound of the Baskervilles at some point. Maybe for school? No idea, I just remember random fragments of the story. (This being me, we're talking about exciting fragments such as "Holmes and Watson sneak around in the dark near a building for some reason.") I may have read a lot of books in my life, but somehow I apparently managed to dodge all the classics. I have oodles of those on my "one day I'll get around to this" list.

Just like Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead made me want to read Hamlet (which I still haven't finished though), the Sherlock Holmes movie made me want to read the novels. I know they're very different and all, but I'm not looking for the written equivalent of an action movie anyway when I'm picking out books.

That said, I loved it. ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ Incidentally, Holmes and Watson reminded me of Rosencrantz and Guildenstern in one scene. Just the one, but very intensely - I would be most delighted if anyone could guess which. :D And of course I also kept seeing House and Wilson in their place, but I suppose that was inevitable.

Micro-reviews of other movies I've seen lately:

1) Daybreakers: Pure lulz. Vampire called Edward, need I say more. Not entirely bad though.
2) Clash of the Titans: Meh. Fun to watch, but painfully predictable in every imaginable way. Prepare for urge to facepalm at clichés.
3) The Book of Eli: This one almost deserves a post of its own. To say I was pleasantly surprised would be an understatement. Maybe more on this later?

Lots of Chaos

Wednesday, June 30th, 2010 05:29 pm
faevii: (Default)
I just accidentally went into town for nothing because I had, in essence, forgotten that I didn't have any money yet. The exact circumstances that led to this strange mistake were a little more complicated than that, of course, but attempting to explain all that would probably turn this into the most pointless entry of epic proportions I have ever written. Not to mention the most boring one, unless you find detailed descriptions of my convoluted thought processes unexpectedly entertaining. Let's just say I know exactly what went wrong there. Nothing beats my internal logic! Or selective memory, rather.

In other news, Daniel and Timo are in Berlin now. There's a convoluted story behind that, too ... I don't quite get it myself. All I know is that he was planning to spend a few days there three weeks from now, without Timo (Daniel's mother had offered to watch over him during that time), then yesterday he suddenly started to talk about leaving at once, taking Timo with him and staying a whole month, but in the end it was decided that the two of them would go together today, come back in a week, and additionally we'd stick to the original plan anyway. I'm confused, too. o.O

I'm quite enjoying the peace and quiet, lack of money and food aside. Tomorrow I'll go shopping for real and the day after that I'll go again because someone will be able to drive me then so I can get some of the larger and heavier things. I hope that by Saturday I'll also have managed to get enough of the necessary housework done that I'll be able to mostly relax for the rest of the time.

I've been working on that in the most disorganised fashion, doing whatever caught my eye whenever I felt like it, never even stopping to make sure that I finished one thing before I started the next - or doing the most important stuff first, for that matter. This strategy, or rather lack thereof, turned out to be surprisingly effective. Interesting.

They'll return right on my birthday, which is funny. Considering that I'll probably be missing Timo quite a lot by then, it'll be like I'm getting him back for a present. :)

The Fandom Problem

Saturday, June 19th, 2010 01:54 pm
faevii: (thoughtful rosencrantz)
I think I just started to figure out what it is that keeps me from getting properly involved in fandom. That question has been bugging me for ages because it's certainly not a lack of interest: I want to get involved because I do get pretty excited about things and having people to talk to who share the sentiment would ne neat, really! Part of the problem is obviously that I don't have much to contribute, what with never having finished a single fanfic and appearing to have lost all my icon-making skillz - but that can't be the only reason, you know? I even suspect that if I did get involved somehow, I'd be way more inspired and eventually would end up finishing a fic. Interaction can do that to you.

One thing that's definitely holding me back is that I don't have the money to immediately buy each new album/book/DVD/etc. that comes out, so I regularly have to skip a lot of posts for fear of spoilers and by the time I finally catch up, everyone else's excitement has already passed. Well, with any luck that's going to change once I have my own place.

What I just realised is that I often feel left out for an entirely different reason as well though, and it has something to do with the fact that a large part of fandom is basically about sexual attraction. We look at pictures of our favourite characters/celebrities because we find them attractive, and what was the most popular fanfiction genre again? Right. Romance. Which some only read for the porn. :P That's all nice and well, but despite being utterly addicted to romantic fluff and picture-browsing myself, I often get the impression that what goes on in my head when I do these things is very, very different from other people's thoughts. The way they talk quite frankly disturbs me most of the time. I could never join a conversation that is all about how badly you wank to fuck that person, sorry.

Speaking of which, is it actually possible to get aroused just from looking at pictures of an attractive person?? I can never tell when people are joking. Especially when I'm too busy being disturbed.

Meta discussions never apply to me, either. I don't seem to have much in common with the average fan, the average female fan, the average female fan who likes slash ... or the typical representation of any other group that I'm technically a part of. It's quite frustrating. I always get the feeling that all those people who appear to be enjoying the same thing as I am are coming at it from such a different perspective that it's not really the same thing at all. How am I supposed to communicate with them under these conditions?

For some reason I was completely unaware of this problem until just now.

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Lin

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