faevii: "I take my noodles very seriously" (srs bizness)
Change of plans. I decided to spend some time getting stuff done instead of going to bed ridiculously early. It was probably a bad idea, but then again ... I hardly did a thing during the last two days, so there was catching up to do. I'm not sure I would have been able to handle that tomorrow, if my past reactions to sleeping "normally" are anything to go by. It always seems to make me feel like crap in the physical sense, to be honest. I can think more clearly and have less trouble writing, but don't ask me to get up from my chair! Ugh.

I'll just ... stay awake again and continue as planned tomorrow? Hopefully this time I won't fall asleep on my chair. How do I even do that all the time?! It's not exactly comfortable ...

One of the things that I did was to buy a lot of food. I decided that it was time to move on from being all tentative about gluten-containing stuff by now, even though I still wouldn't say I'm convinced that I can eat it. What if the whole dilemma with the debilitating stomach cramps and you don't want to know what else suddenly does start up again? What if it takes a month for that to happen? It's not impossible, so I remain skeptical. But for now I am going to eat normally and thus I found myself faced with an abundance of ~OPTIONS~ at the supermarket. It was so hard not to buy everything at once! Dairy, too. I mostly walked around with a kind of dazed smile on my face, staring at the shelves in amazement but unable to decide what to reacquaint myself with first. XD I guess I did all right in the end. There will be spagetti later!!

Something funny happened when I walked past the ice cream section. I didn't intend to buy any, but had a look anyway. I spotted a brand that I remembered to be relatively cheap but delicious, and suddenly I found myself missing Daniel a whole lot. o.O I guess we used to ... sort of bond over food? I secretly loved it when he unexpectedly brought home something unnecessary but awesome like ice cream, even though I wished he did it less often because of the money. I actually did the same thing myself when I was the one to do the shopping, though usually with cheaper items and not as many at a time. And then if we were lucky enough to get the chance, we'd sit down with our "special" food and watch a movie or something. It was quite nice.

Not that we couldn't still do this, especially now that my dietary restrictions are seemingly gone. We simply need to remember to meet up for such evenings from time to time. :) He's looking for a new place though; I hope he finds one in this town and doesn't have to move away ...
faevii: (OMGWTFBBQ!!1)
I just got back from buying the things that I mentioned. It's not exactly morning anymore, but early enough to not disrupt my plan. Everything appears to be going well so far.

The same can be said for my gluten experiment, by the way. I will remain skeptical until I've been eating the stuff for at least one week, but for now I'm perfectly fine. Again, I cannot believe this is happening. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop ...

What distracted me from going into town earlier was Stargate Atlantis. I finally started watching it a few days ago and appear to be completely addicted already. I knew I was going to like it because I dimly remembered seeing a few episodes on tv once and that I enjoyed those very much, but what I didn't expect was that it would make me feel all nostalgic.

Apparently I hadn't only watched a few episodes back then, and suddenly I remembered exactly when "back then" was, too. I also had no idea that what I'd seen was season 1. Out of the first seven episodes, the very first was the only one that I wasn't entirely sure felt familiar. Then the next one was new to me, the one after that wasn't, and in case of episodes 10 and 11 I was once again not quite sure.

As I watched these vaguely familiar (and seemingly twice as awesome as last time) characters do vaguely familiar things, memories from the group home unexpectedly started to come back to me.

Watching tv with the boys. The illusion of being part of a group. One of them being a total Stargate expert and explaining the entire backstory to us others, when Daniel and I had merely wanted to know what had happened during the episode or part of an episode that we'd missed. Getting more and more excited about the show each week. Being surprised that Daniel was just as excited as I was; K being happy that we liked it at all.

I don't know when the episodes will stop looking familiar; whether we watched the season to the end or not and whether the second even came on while we still lived there. I'm looking forward to discovering things that are new to me, but I'm also enjoying this vague familiarity a lot. I sure love the show on its own as well though - I'm not yet sure why, it just ... seems to be practically made for me, somehow. I love everything about it and all of the characters. ALL OF THEM. Almost equally except that McKay has always been my favourite and now I'm suddenly taking a shine to Sheppard instead. I think it's got something to do with his voice; on German tv it was dubbed and who knows how that influenced my impression of him.

ALSO BECKETT'S ACCENT OMG I CANNOT. :3

Ridiculousness

Friday, December 24th, 2010 11:25 am
faevii: (happiness)
I have to say I find The Decemberists' lyrics a bit ridiculous at times. You know, the kind of ridiculous where I chuckle at them fondly while singing them. ;) They seem to have got that whole work theme going on - ooh~, sailors. Ooh~, soldiers. Ooh~, miners. And some of the songs sound like old folk tales. But there is something about their music ... I can't quite put my finger on it (trololol Merlin quote XD). "Rox in the Box" from their new album makes me feel like I'm finally back home after a long time. I have no idea. Maybe I used to know a children's song that sounded similar??

What's even more puzzling is that while I was contemplating this, I inexplicably had to think of that cheesy old film I used to like, The Magical Legend of the Leprechauns. Ahaha. Oh dear, that was on German television once a year or so and I watched it every. Single. Time. Maybe around Christmas? Is that why it occured to me just now? In retrospect I can't help but think that it's probably also ridiculous, but oh man. Fairies and leprechauns and Whoopi Goldberg? As a teenager I was in looooove with it. :D

*looks at screencaps* OMG THAT IS WHERE I KNOW THE GUY FROM PARKED FROM. Riddle: solved!

And thus concludes today's trip down memory lane.
faevii: (happiness)
Woah. I just watched the five Doctor Who episodes I'd missed. And I know nobody cares, but can I just say, what a freaking contrast. I didn't want it to end. (Not even Ten wanted it to end, apparently.) So much fun, so much excitement, so many surprises. (I didn't quite know what to make of Random Bonus Jack, but ... ALIEN SPACE BAR.) Where's all that in season 5? I've already seen seven or eight episodes and the only moderately interesting thing in those was the reappearance of River Song. Meh.

In other news, I changed my profile text last night. Not sure if I'm 100% happy with it yet, but the old one had to go. While I was trying to come up with something new, I poked around in my text documents and found some very old self-descriptions of mine - copies of my GreatestJournal profile from six years ago and things like that. Good gods, my English was bad then. o_O

I was most amused by the one in which I proclaimed my love for spaceships and time travel. Pray tell, why wasn't I watching Doctor Who yet?! :D

Ambitions

Sunday, October 3rd, 2010 04:27 pm
faevii: (Default)
Having a totally random moment of "Fuck, lots of people out there who aren't me have things like work experience and an education." And I mean that in the sense of wanting the experience, not feeling inferior or anything. Which is weird because I don't even remember the last time I had a thought like that. I guess I was distracted by all the stuff I learned through the internet? And too busy fighting off other problems to really pay attention to what I might be missing out on, of course.

I love learning. If I hadn't enjoyed going to school so much, I wouldn't have made half the effort I did to stay in it. Even when I realised that I hadn't attended a single chemistry lesson for a month* and the only reason why I wasn't failing everything yet was that the teachers felt sorry for me, I still made an effort. I still dragged myself to school two or three days a week and spent the others sitting at home being miserable because I wanted to go.

Several people I had almost forgotten about added me on Facebook recently. Usually I feel slightly embarrassed when they ask me what I've been up to because it's very hard to answer that without coming across as either trying to garner sympathy or being a total loser.

Today all I feel is envy.

I always wanted to attend a university one day. Never really got around to deciding what exactly I'd like to study, but there were so many things I considered. So much knowledge. I wanted to find out more about anything and everything. I wanted to find cures for diseases and invent things and become a translator or possibly a lawyer. Money was always on the back of my mind, a chronic fear that I wouldn't be able to get a good job without further education, but my main motivation was still curiosity.

... I'm starting to sound like a certain fictional character here. Yikes.

Anyway, the point is that I'm suddenly all jealous of People Who Know Things. Ever since I made the choice to get my own place, I've had this secret plan to spend most of my free time reading books on whichever random subjects that interest me I'll be able to find in the library once I've moved out. And finally teaching myself how to draw properly. It's a bit silly because I feel like I'm once again waiting for some Big Change to happen before I can start doing what I want to, but I really don't have the energy, patience or money to do much right now and I'm reasonably sure that most of that will change.

*And it was one of my favourite subjects, too. For a while we only had chemistry on Wednesdays and during that month my worst days always happened to be Wednesdays. Yes, I'm still bitter about it. Fucking Wednesdays.

Observation #32759

Sunday, June 13th, 2010 10:54 pm
faevii: (slice of brain)
I recently realised why I love spending time around small children so much - well, not too many at once, but that's beside the point. It's because I can easily let go in their company. Act without thinking. There's nothing to be afraid of; a toddler won't laugh if you do something weird - not in a bad way, at least. In fact it's not unlikely that the kid will think you're the funniest person in the world.

Back when I was still living with my mother and my siblings, I didn't participate in the things that they did very often, didn't join them on their bike rides or whatever they got up to, but it was not because I didn't like doing those things. I was just tired and sick and preoccupied. When I did feel like coming along, I had lots of fun and secretly pretended that I wasn't ten years older than the others.

Not much has changed, really. I'm the type of person who will occasionally catch herself skipping into the kitchen to get a glass of water instead of walking, for no particular reason. Yes, I do that even now. It just happens! Daniel thinks I'm insane, but I don't mind him. And Timo doesn't care. That's the thing. When I'm alone with Timo, which isn't possible half as often as I'd like, I sing and dance and hop around and do all kinds of things that I would otherwise find embarrassing.

When people persuade me to sing in front of them, my voice is tiny. When I sing to Timo, I am suddenly capable of being exactly as loud as I would be on my own in a sound-proof room. When people ask me to dance, I say that I can't because I have no idea how you're supposed to do it. When Timo and I listen to music together, I start dancing automatically without thinking about it at all.

And that's why I don't like cricket enjoy spending time with small children.

I'm getting better with the grown-ups, mind you. In fact I think this realisation will make it a little easier. Growing up is overrated.

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Lin

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