faevii: (cartoon amy christmas wish)
First things first: I'm back home. It was more of a spontaneous flounce than a planned decision in the end, but I do not regret it. The time to leave had come.

Completely unrelatedly, D has lent me his TV. He doesn't really need it, see, because he doesn't have cable or anything and uses his computer monitor to play video games. It's possible that I'll be allowed to keep it for a pretty long time, so now I suddenly find myself wondering whether I should buy an XBox 360 instead of a tablet PC. You know, presuming that one of these days I'll actually manage to hold onto my money for long enough to buy anything expensive. e_e

The thing is just, he could also lend me a PS2. Then I'd be able to play one game and watch DVDs, which would be a huge improvement already. But on the other hand, the manufacturer of the tablet I've been wanting has recently released a relatively affordable BIGGER one that I want even more, which would be almost as expensive as the XBox, so I'm kinda thinking if I'm going to spend that much money anyway, I might as well add another €50 and get the XBox, enabling me to play SEVEN games PLUS the PS2 one. On the other other hand, my computer sucks so much ...

Naww, I think I'll go for the tablet. Considering the "free" PS2 and all. I could get back into gaming by replaying Star Ocean 3 once or twice, enjoy my ability to watch DVDs, be ecstatic about owning a tablet, then get the XBox later.

YES. GOOD. Now I only need to decide if I want to try living on €100 next month and buy it immediately, add my savings and make it €140, or be sensible and wait until the month after that, setting as much as I can aside for this plan.

... Is living on €100 for a month even hard, though? I forgot how much money a person needs for groceries while I was getting free food at the hospital ...
faevii: (cartoon amy christmas wish)
Yesterday evening I was also overcome by a sudden desire to research mobile computing devices. It started out as a simple search for cheap laptops, but then I thought, "Wait a minute. It'll take me ages to save up enough money even for the saddest of these; what if I got a tiny netbook or a tablet computer as a temporary solution?" Ten minutes later I was obsessed with comparing ALL OF THE TABLETS to figure out which features I absolutely needed and which I could do without, and then find the best among the affordable ones that fit the bill. Netbooks turned out to be a dead end, being almost as expensive as the cheapest full-sized laptops.

I very nearly ordered a freaking tablet computer on the spot, though. It would have resulted in forced starvation for the rest of the month, so I'M GLAD I DIDN'T. >_> What saved me was none of my favourites being available in a size larger than 7", combined with one of the best not being released until four days from now. (I could have preordered it, but a) not released yet means no reviews; b) seven inches.) If any of them had been 8", which is probably still quite small, I swear I might have ...

So I closed all those tabs and mourned the loss of a perfectly fine two or three hours. Ahem. But the temptation persists: once I've actually put €100 aside, I'm sure I'll go through the exact same process again. XD
faevii: (cartoon amy christmas wish)
At the very least, my list of what needs to be done before I leave is taking shape. It'd be better if I could already have started working on it, but ... it's something.

I can't even reorganise my MP3 player yet because I don't have much music on this computer. I'm waiting for a call from A, who will hopefully drive me to the next bigger town again sometime this week, and then I'll buy a bunch of things including towels and an external harddrive. Possibly even a mouse because this one's driving me crazy ... well, crazier. Once I've got the harddrive, I'll take it over to Daniel's and FINALLY GET MY OLD FILES BACK. Wow. Then I'll spend a few hours agonising over which music to pick, heh. ;)

Come to think of it, there is one thing that I have already done - I bought some cheap underpants while I was grocery shopping on Saturday, since you can never have too many of those. Especially if you're planning to be away from home. Somehow I also feel like I could use more socks, which is a little weird seeing as I believe none of the ones I acquired during the summer have fallen apart yet. Oh well. You can't really have too many socks, either.

It's kind of funny how I'm still worrying about the same things as last time. Not even my headphone situation is ideal now: I'm going to feel stupid sitting around wearing a headset, though that certainly won't keep me from packing the thing, and when I'm outside ... well. I could use the earphones that I bought during my last hospital stay, but they're not exactly in top condition anymore. Maybe I'll find cheap but slightly better ones at the same store where I'll be looking for a harddrive. :S

As for non-underwear clothes? I'm trying not to think about it ...
faevii: (broken spear)
I figured out a long time ago that the best way to get yourself to do something is not to try again and again to work up the motivation, but to closely observe your own actions in order to figure out what exactly is stopping you and then find a workaround. Some may call it cheating, but that's rubbish. Although ... I do enjoy thinking of it that way because becoming an expert at cheating life kind of sounds like a cool aspiration to have. :P

I feel like I'm incessantly but also extremely slowly working towards mastering this art, waiting for the day when I will finally have organised my life into submission. It's going so slowly that I fear most people who are sick and really good at managing their symptoms - or poor and really good at managing their budgets - would laugh at me if they could see me struggle everyday. Well, maybe if they're nice they would instead just kindly inform me that I'm Doing It Wrong.

Take this, for example: a few days ago, in the middle of a supermarket and out of absolutely nowhere, I suddenly thought, I know for a fact that it's almost always difficult for me to get the dishes done before I need to cook again. Perhaps instead of helplessly watching that happen over and over, I should deliberately alternate between meals that require a pot or pan and meals that don't? It would give me more time. Then I realised that while this was definitely a good idea, it would also require me to plan my meals in advance. That's something I've been trying to achieve - with little success - for years. >_<

I'm still working on it, mind you. One day I will totally get there. I mean, why not? I have the beginnings of a list of some food items and their prices, the beginnings of a list of some food items and their nutrient content (major nutrients, for not-accidentally-overdosing-on-carbohydrate purposes), the beginnings of a list of some food items and how many meals it takes to use them up ...

Meanwhile I'm merrily throwing things away because I didn't manage to eat them before they went bad, doing that "whoops too much sugar" thing all the time ... and surviving on snacks while the dishes are dirty. :|

People who can eat out a lot or order take-out or eat at work/school: MY ENVY LET ME SHOW YOU IT.

Food Update

Monday, December 12th, 2011 08:25 pm
faevii: "I take my noodles very seriously" (srs bizness)
It still seems entirely possible that my body can handle gluten after all. There have been some mild ... say, digestive disturbances of several kinds since I stopped avoiding it, but they weren't bad and might well have had a different cause. We'll see.

Being able to eat bread again has really come in handy on my worse days. I often find myself thinking things like "Oh no, I barely managed to make tea and put the dishes in the sink to soak before I needed a break, it'll be hours until I can cook something ... wait, I could just eat bread!" Rice crackers were never that helpful in that regard because I needed to eat like a ton of them to stay satisfied for longer than an hour.

Being able to eat butter instead of margarine is also nice, but I can't say I missed the endless waiting for it to get softer. I forgot to check which is cheaper, though. Probably the margarine, but then cheap margarine doesn't taste very good and butter is butter no matter which brand you choose. I like that about it. A single ingredient, no variations. I find uncomplicated food sort of reassuring.

I wonder if I am saving money already or if the fact that I bring back a few "I need this because I haven't had it in ages" foods each time I go shopping has prevented that so far ...

Things and stuff.

Tuesday, November 22nd, 2011 01:29 pm
faevii: (an actual sentence)
  1. I am so going to buy some regular milk products today. If I can eat them, I will have to conclude that what happened was that last year my digestive system somehow decided that it didn't like lactose for a while ... and then changed its mind. Which still doesn't make any sense, but I'll take what I can get.

  2. Once that's been sorted out, I will also buy something with gluten in it - something other than pasta, though, because I already tried that. It'll be my one, final experiment. If it goes as badly as the last one, I will resign myself to somehow being gluten intolerant in spite of testing negative for Celiac, and having to spend a lot of money on food forever. :| (Goodbye, entertainment?)

  3. I am currently fighting two battles in my head, sort of. One is about feeling stupid, which the internet constantly reminds me of because I keep coming across a) things that I just don't understand and b) evidence of other people understanding a thing better than I do. I don't know why this bothers me so much more than usual at the moment. The other problem is ... basically a huge load of envy? I'm just so fed up with never having everything that I need, much less what I want. Other people talking about school or work or hobbies make me feel frustrated because I worry about warm clothes and food instead. And I don't see any way out of this situation. :( The internet seems to be nothing but one big reminder of how much my life sucks sometimes, so I almost want to stay away from it for a while. But only almost.
    faevii: (ye shall not eff me)
    I saw this nice-looking "Christmas tree" candle holder today that was relatively big and not that expensive - why didn't I buy it?! I've wanted something like that for years because I am kind of against killing trees just to decorate your living room with them temporarily. Okay, technically what I had in mind was still a bit bigger, but you have to take what you can get, right? Silly me, deciding to be reasonable and save money even with something like that in front of my nose.

    Anyway, this morning was a bit weird because for a while it was basically an exact reenactment of Friday morning. Both times I'd deliberately stayed awake two nights before, both times I'd gone to bed in the afternoon and nearly overslept regardless, both times I practically jumped out of bed and straight into the shower instead of eating breakfast first as I usually do ... and so on. Then A picked me up to drive me to the ALDI market in another town; ours is currently being rebuilt and therefore closed. Which is impractical because I normally buy a lot of things there.

    So she helped me out with that and afterwards I quickly popped inside the store directly next to it as well, which incidentally happens to be the one I always went to during my hospital stay; the one selling all of those amazing, lactose-free and gluten-free things. I finally caved and bought some bread. BREAD. BREEEAADD. *___* (Also incidentally, and this is funny, I ended up there on Friday, too - that time I just didn't have enough money for gluten-free bread with me. I had no idea I'd remain such a regular customer even after going back home!)

    Come to think of it, it's kind of ironic that I resisted a thing I'd wanted for years only to buy some expensive freaking food. -_-

    Food & Decisions

    Saturday, October 1st, 2011 05:40 pm
    faevii: "I take my noodles very seriously" (srs bizness)
    As if to make up for the fact that I don't need to pack (much) today, my brain decided to come up with a different problem: I forgot to buy enough food for three days instead of two. >.<; If I want to be back when I said I'd be back, I have to leave in little more than an hour - which means I can't really go food shopping a second time anymore. That alone often takes me an hour. So either I think of a way to make what I've got last three days ... or I could always decide to return late on purpose. But. I don't want to walk through swarms of mosquitoes in the dark. And take my pill too late. And find that my roommate has turned on the light without closing the window first. Being late is stressful! =.=

    Well. A can of beans, some cheese, two sausages, half an onion, a tiny rest of lentils ... I could make two more warm meals. Somehow. I'd just have to eat a lot of rice crackers and peanut butter between those. And possibly polenta? I don't have milk, but the instructions say it can also be made with water. A little boring, that ... but I'll live. It's a challenge!

    I don't know why my paragraphs all end on an exclamation mark today. Look! This one doesn't. XD

    So I'm going to leave soon, but I'll be back tomorrow. I may or may not decide to visit my family tomorrow afternoon, which would require even more unexpected train tickets. IDK. Part of me is thinking, "Be sensible! You're already spending more money on transportation than usual this week, don't do it!", but then there is also that other part that's thinking, "Be sensible! You need to spend more time with your family - in fact you need to spend more time with people in general; what's a little money compared to that?!" See, this is what I mean when I say that I often try to be reasonable but can't figure out which is the reasonable course of action. :|

    Either way you'll probably hear from me in the morning.

    Stopping By #3

    Saturday, September 10th, 2011 12:41 pm
    faevii: "I sacrificed a bathtub for this!" (sacrifice)
    I'm home for the weekend again. Meanwhile the weather has spontaneously decided that it is now autumn, which I strongly disapprove of because I don't have enough warm clothes yet. Yikes. I really could have used a little warning. Also, I've been losing weight for unknown reasons and neither know if that's still happening nor if my medication will reverse the process, so basically if I buy any clothes now, there's a chance that only two weeks later they might be either too big or too small. How am I supposed to handle this, keep freezing until I see an obvious trend?!

    Well. If there's anything you can count on, it's that I will always worry about clothes for one reason or another. XD

    Last week I forgot to mention that I had downloaded the new Red Hot Chili Peppers album, I'm With You, and that I like it more than I expected I would. I'm definitely going to buy the physical CD sooner or later, but right now I'm not entirely sure how much money I do or do not have because Mrs D has hopefully been paying some things in my stead. Now I'm trying to get my hands on a download of the new Kasabian album as well, but I'm sad that I won't be able to listen to it "properly" because my current headphones aren't very good. :(

    Unless ... I was planning to visit Daniel tomorrow, in part to use his stereo to listen to my favourites from I'm With You out loud for a change (and to see what he thinks of them). He doesn't like Kasabian much, but maaaybe ... if I ask nicely ...? It can't be much longer than half an hour, right?

    Apparently when I don't have the option to watch tv shows, my entire life starts to revolve around music. ;)
    faevii: "I sacrificed a bathtub for this!" (sacrifice)
    Considering that I'm only going to be home until tomorrow evening, I just bought quite a huge load of stuff. Well. Part of it was simply that I happened to need all kinds of things at once, and then I found this tiny food processor that I could actually afford, ALDI had pretty wrapping paper and I thought it would be nice if I owned a hair dryer (a really cheap one, travel-sized) ... Soon enough my trolley was full and in the other hand I was carrying a full bag and a pack of toilet paper.

    Fortunately I don't need to worry about money much this month because I won't be present for most of it, which should drastically reduce the amount of food I'll need to buy. I thought I'd have to worry anyway, what with those weird lottery/raffle thingies that I accidentally signed up for, but that's one of the things that Mrs D is handling now. She says it's best to simply cancel all of it and that this should not be difficult to do. Okay. Good. I would have liked to win something, of course, but ... it's not a good time for taking risks, really.

    The weather is so nice today, I keep thinking I should use the chance to take a walk ... but I'm still exhausted from carrying everything home, urgh.
    faevii: (what is this i don't even)
    I'm really starting to get tired of the limited amount of icons I've got to choose from. It'd be alright if I'd picked them myself, but these are just the ones that DW decided not to deactivate when my paid time ran out. Possibly because they were the last 15 I used, I don't know. Also, two of the six that match my LJ icons are among the deactivated ones. Very impractical.

    If PayPal didn't refuse to cooperate with Dreamwidth (or if I had a credit card), I'd probably buy some more paid time for myself next month. Or the one after that. Or the one after that, at the very least ... something's always more important, but it really isn't that expensive. I'd go for six months, I think. But. I'm not going to send actual money across the ocean, or a check or something. :S

    Well, IDK, I should probably be worrying about entirely different things at the moment. Priorities? What are those?

    I've been having a somewhat priorities-related problem lately, anyway. I get enough things done each day to feel accomplished for a while, but then I realise that the ONE thing I failed to do was unquestionably the most important one. It's not so nice going to bed knowing that while your dishes are clean and the laundry is drying, you're out of breakfast foods because you didn't go grocery shopping ...

    But at closer examination, it's not really about priorities. I doubt I could have gone grocery shopping yesterday if I hadn't done the dishes, you know? They're not exchangeable tasks. And I didn't just forget, either - perhaps with a little more determination I could have persuaded myself to go, but whether I would have actually managed to be ready to leave before the shops closed is another matter. Sometimes I simply can't do things. Which sucks. :|

    I'll definitely have to stop by one of the stores that are open until 10 pm today, at least. I can survive skipping the rest, and fortunately one of them does sell rice crackers at the same price as where I usually get them. If nothing else, it'll be fun to go outside without my stupid trolley for once. XD

    Money & Food

    Wednesday, August 3rd, 2011 05:43 pm
    faevii: "I take my noodles very seriously" (srs bizness)
    I'm currently trying to put together a smarter shopping list than usual because I really don't have much money left after I've been to IKEA. Normally I don't reach this point until at least two weeks into the month, so this is a bit of a problem.

    I have discovered, to my own surprise, that most of the meals I frequently cook actually cost under or around an euro. What makes things expensive is when I add coconut milk or empty a whole jar of sausages in one day (that would be five medium-sized* sausages, FYI - I'm not some sort of Sausage Monster :P).

    It's difficult to figure out how much rice and cheese cost me because I have no idea what percentage of a package I use up for one meal, on average. I can guess at the rice, but the cheese? I'm afraid I'll have to remember to count the slices next time.

    Drinks shouldn't be a problem if I fall back on tea more often.

    Incidentally, one container of lactose-free chocolate pudding costs around the same as two rice cracker and jam sandwiches (my usual breakfast), so I suppose even that could be excused from time to time.

    There is entirely too much thinking to be done here. Ugh.

    *Oddly enough, these jars are actually less expensive than the ones containing eight larger sausages. Same brand. No other difference. Counter-intuitive, huh? I don't get it, either. (ETA: I'm talking about the relative price, of course. In case that wasn't clear, LOL.)
    faevii: "I take my noodles very seriously" (srs bizness)
    On the whole, my first week alone was amazing. The floor in the hall wasn't done yet, there was no light in the kitchen and all I had to cook with was a single pot, but it was great. Thanks to a number of factors such as less allergens in the air, a better mattress and practically no stress whatsoever (to only name a few), I slept better and had much more energy. I could concentrate better and going outside was suddenly not a problem anymore. Showering was easy. I never got bored. BASICALLY IT WAS AWESOME OKAY. :D

    My wrists became terribly dry because I wasn't used to doing the dishes by hand and my feet hurt because I wasn't used to not wearing shoes inside, but eventually I adapted. I visited Timo every single day and probably played with him more than when we were still living together. I enjoyed being able to do whatever I wanted whenever I felt like it, and not having to worry about things being Potentially Dirty because I knew what was clean and what wasn't. Since I didn't have much money left after buying a vacuum cleaner and such, I even discovered that €15 could get me through an entire week if I was careful.

    Then I suddenly couldn't eat wheat anymore.


    Yeah. I actually laughed, you know. I don't know why, but my first reaction was this kind of hysterical amusement. Of course that would happen right after I'd finally managed to get the hang of living with lactose intolerance. Of course that would happen while I was basically broke and thought I'd figured out how to survive on €15 a week. WHEN ELSE. GOODBYE, CHEAP BREAD.

    While I was still unsure what was going on, there was a day on which I cried for hours and hours, mostly due to the debilitating stomach cramps but also because I was scared. And possibly mourning noodles, while fervently hoping it was something else. It wasn't. When I finally stopped eating anything of the kind, my stomach felt better immediately and the rest of my body within two or three days. That could hardly be a coincidence.

    I have since been tested for Celiac Disease (gluten intolerance), but either that's not it or the doctor made a mistake. Like, I don't know, maybe forgetting to tell me that I still needed to be eating the stuff for it to work. I have yet to ask him, since my next appointment is not until two weeks from now because I thought I'd also have my lactose intolerance officially confirmed while I was at it, and something went wrong with that test. >_<

    Scraping the money together that I suddenly needed to feed myself for the rest of the month wasn't easy, but fortunately I had help. I also ate a lot of rice, and I was extremely grateful for all the positive effects from moving out that I still felt. Without them I would have been screwed.

    (Ironic icon choice is ironic.)


    Sunday, January 2nd, 2011 08:00 pm
    faevii: (OMGWTFBBQ!!1)
    Oh dear oh dear oh dear, it seems that Daniel has landed us in financial trouble once again and this time it's kind of serious. I mean, not really serious, but there's a high probability that our telephone and internet connection will be turned off in the very near future and I can't think of any way to prevent it.

    The problem is that he spent too much time talking to his father on the phone, landline to mobile. This resulted in a quite, uh, spectacular bill. And I thought we at least had a while left to pay it, but I just found out that apparently we've already failed to pay on time three times or so* and now we've been given FIVE DAYS. Five days that ... are already over, actually, so I don't even know why I can still tell you this. Chances are the line will go dead sometime tomorrow morning.

    It's an amount that we could probably scrape together within a month if we really put our minds to it, but unfortunately there are other things that need to be paid off as well and on top of it Daniel happens to owe a friend money at the moment. @___@

    I'm trying to come up with combinations of extremely cheap foods that still contain all the major nutrients and are also lactose-free. Riiight. SUGGESTIONS, ANYONE??

    Staples one could make use of include rice, pasta and lentils. Potatoes are more expensive than those, I believe. What to get protein from if it's rice or pasta time, though? Eggs? The one type of cheese I can eat? Beans? Need to investigate which of those is the cheapest option and can therefore be eaten most often. And what to get fat from on lentil days? More cheese? Or can vegetable oil be enough? GAH.

    I suspect there are actually some canned meals available that are cheaper than anything you could make on your own, but of course I can only eat about two of those.

    Also, I guess this means I'll continue to wear sneakers in the snow. :|

    *I just haven't been in any condition to keep up with these things lately, plus some of it is normally handled by Daniel's legal guardian and therefore invisible to me. Too bad even he can't pull money out of nowhere.

    Uhh ... right.

    Thursday, August 26th, 2010 12:29 pm
    faevii: (Default)
    The guy whose XBox we'd borrowed finally decided that he wanted it back, so I thought I'd go on a hunt for some old PS2 games that I might be able to acquire for very little money by now. I spent a long time on GameSpot, reading reviews and watching gameplay videos, until I had found three games that looked interesting. Today I looked them up on Amazon, followed by Ebay ... AND THEY WERE ALL FREAKING EXPENSIVE. o_O Am I missing something here? Did I accidentally pick the three most wanted PS2 games ever?! (For the record, they were Tales of Legendia, Tales of the Abyss and Radiata Stories.)

    Well, I might be exaggerating a little, but 30-40 euros for a used copy is unusual even for PS3 or 360 games. These are old - and it's not that they're rare, either. Two of them you can still buy new. WTF?

    ... I foresee boredom in my future.

    Lots of Chaos

    Wednesday, June 30th, 2010 05:29 pm
    faevii: (Default)
    I just accidentally went into town for nothing because I had, in essence, forgotten that I didn't have any money yet. The exact circumstances that led to this strange mistake were a little more complicated than that, of course, but attempting to explain all that would probably turn this into the most pointless entry of epic proportions I have ever written. Not to mention the most boring one, unless you find detailed descriptions of my convoluted thought processes unexpectedly entertaining. Let's just say I know exactly what went wrong there. Nothing beats my internal logic! Or selective memory, rather.

    In other news, Daniel and Timo are in Berlin now. There's a convoluted story behind that, too ... I don't quite get it myself. All I know is that he was planning to spend a few days there three weeks from now, without Timo (Daniel's mother had offered to watch over him during that time), then yesterday he suddenly started to talk about leaving at once, taking Timo with him and staying a whole month, but in the end it was decided that the two of them would go together today, come back in a week, and additionally we'd stick to the original plan anyway. I'm confused, too. o.O

    I'm quite enjoying the peace and quiet, lack of money and food aside. Tomorrow I'll go shopping for real and the day after that I'll go again because someone will be able to drive me then so I can get some of the larger and heavier things. I hope that by Saturday I'll also have managed to get enough of the necessary housework done that I'll be able to mostly relax for the rest of the time.

    I've been working on that in the most disorganised fashion, doing whatever caught my eye whenever I felt like it, never even stopping to make sure that I finished one thing before I started the next - or doing the most important stuff first, for that matter. This strategy, or rather lack thereof, turned out to be surprisingly effective. Interesting.

    They'll return right on my birthday, which is funny. Considering that I'll probably be missing Timo quite a lot by then, it'll be like I'm getting him back for a present. :)


    faevii: (Default)

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