perspective

Monday, October 22nd, 2012 08:40 pm
faevii: "I sacrificed a bathtub for this!" (sacrifice)
It has occured to me that if I really wanted to go to that school I picked out as early as next year, I'd have to start looking for a place to live in Hamburg very soon. Like next month maybe, depending on how easy it is to find something in that area. And now I'm glad that I already decided to wait another year or two because it is painfully obvious that I'm not ready yet. I'm barely holding it together just existing; every day that I don't go back to the hospital is an achievement. I haven't even seriously considered it so far, which is great, but with the way I've been feeling lately ... ah, well, I won't make any dire predictions. The point is, existing is about as much as I can handle at this time.
faevii: (broken spear)
Today I'm not doing so well in the mental sense, and ironically the pain's already as good as gone. Seriously, why do these things take turns??

I don't know, I just ... I keep having these ... flashes. Like somebody suddenly pulled a plug in my brain and for a split second random memories come flooding out so fast that it's seriously disorienting. And the rest of the time I feel like I'm having trouble holding on to my personality or something. It's hard to explain. Sometimes I get panicky for no apparent reason and sometimes I sort of ... despair. But it's all very fleeting. A moment here, a moment there. Just ... generally unstable.

It's alright, though. I've got food for the weekend, I've done a minimal amount of housework and I'll try to go to bed early tonight. This doesn't have to ruin anything.

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Lin

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