Entry tags:
Parenting 101
I believe there is one thing that a lot of people need to realise about children:
When a child is "throwing a tantrum" or refusing to do what you say for no apparent reason, chances are that the kid is actually hungry, thirsty, tired, hurting, lonely, confused, scared or overwhelmed by, for example, a loud noise. Something inconspicuous is always going on.
A parent's job is to teach the little ones how to recognise this on their own and to express it in an appropriate manner. That will take a while. In fact, even adults aren't perfect at it. Remember the last time you snapped at someone? Yeah, that.
What I'd like to know is, how exactly is yelling supposed to help there??
Mind you, I'm certainly not in any condition to do my job well all the time. But I have told Timo things like, "Please tell me if something is bothering you." And I have asked him questions like, "Are you sad? Are you angry? Do you, perhaps, wish I could play with you more often?" Imagine how his eyes lit up at that last one.
And even though it may seem silly, I always tell him how I'm feeling myself. "I'm sad because my stomach hurts. Sorry about the yelling; I'm angry with Daddy. Thank you for helping me, now I'm happy." That sort of thing. How could he possibly be familiar with all of that stuff already?
It's amazing how much attention you're rewarded with when you do something like that. Downright fascinating. And fun. My favourite situation is when I'm suggesting alternative reactions to him, watching his expression go from frustrated to curious to amused because I can never resist throwing some completely absurd ideas in there once I'm done with the serious ones. :D
Honestly, it's not that hard ... unless I'm hungry, thirsty, tired, hurting etc. myself - kinda drives the point home, doesn't it?
When a child is "throwing a tantrum" or refusing to do what you say for no apparent reason, chances are that the kid is actually hungry, thirsty, tired, hurting, lonely, confused, scared or overwhelmed by, for example, a loud noise. Something inconspicuous is always going on.
A parent's job is to teach the little ones how to recognise this on their own and to express it in an appropriate manner. That will take a while. In fact, even adults aren't perfect at it. Remember the last time you snapped at someone? Yeah, that.
What I'd like to know is, how exactly is yelling supposed to help there??
Mind you, I'm certainly not in any condition to do my job well all the time. But I have told Timo things like, "Please tell me if something is bothering you." And I have asked him questions like, "Are you sad? Are you angry? Do you, perhaps, wish I could play with you more often?" Imagine how his eyes lit up at that last one.
And even though it may seem silly, I always tell him how I'm feeling myself. "I'm sad because my stomach hurts. Sorry about the yelling; I'm angry with Daddy. Thank you for helping me, now I'm happy." That sort of thing. How could he possibly be familiar with all of that stuff already?
It's amazing how much attention you're rewarded with when you do something like that. Downright fascinating. And fun. My favourite situation is when I'm suggesting alternative reactions to him, watching his expression go from frustrated to curious to amused because I can never resist throwing some completely absurd ideas in there once I'm done with the serious ones. :D
Honestly, it's not that hard ... unless I'm hungry, thirsty, tired, hurting etc. myself - kinda drives the point home, doesn't it?