Another Goodbye

[faevii]

I spent the afternoon with Daniel, talking and listening to music. It was nice ... really nice. I love that I don't have to explain my problems to him anymore because he already knows what I mean when I say things like, "You know, that thing that always happens when I'm surrounded by new people." He knows almost everything. Sometimes I think we're much better off being friends instead of a couple.

Now I'm in the process of packing and it's going better than last time. I think. Unless I'm just unaware of the fact that I'm forgetting something important. I still have a lot of trouble trying to be a normal person during weekends; I'm afraid the only reason why I keep surviving them is that weekends are so short. >.<

It's really weird. Whenever I need to plan something, be it grocery shopping or packing or any random chore, my brain kind of freezes like an overburdened computer. There must be a fear of some kind hidden behind that, but of what? Thankfully my doctor's vacation is over now and tomorrow I get to talk to him again. I need to figure this out.

In any case I'll be gone soon, whether I catch the right train this time or not. See you next week, unless you're on Twitter, in which case you'll hear from me often enough due to how bored I always get. :P

Comments

[zanzando]

There doesn't have to be any kind of fear involved in that. That sounds a lot like what my brain does, you know?
Having ADHD isn't just about being fidgety (although some people with ADHD are) or having trouble concentrating. It's also about entirely losing track of time. About being literally unable to make yourself get up and go to bed. About being unable to plan complex activities. About being unable to make decisions sometimes. It's about your brain bombarding you with a million more choices and ideas and TANGENTS than other brains do, and about your hormone response and receptor activity being way off.

[faevii]

I'm still not sure whether it's fear or not, but something like ADHD would not explain why it only happens sometimes ... or would it? Because there are times (like several weeks) when I'm perfectly fine, then there are times when I can't get anything done, and there are also times when only specific situations trigger this inability to think. It seems related to certain fears, like for example I could imagine a fear of making decisions or a fear of living alone being involved. The only thing that doesn't make sense is why now. Nothing changed before it got so bad. :S

[zanzando]

I see. Or rather I don't. But no, while it's similar to ADHD, it's usually pretty constant. Unless I trick myself into deciding things in advance. Sometimes I just want a keeper, who tells me things like "Get up! Go to class! Wash the dishes! etc." Doing it is not the problem, generally. I'm not lazy. But everyone still thinks that. SIGH.

[faevii]

I do know that feeling, including the desire for a keeper ... I guess I should be glad it's not constant, then. I just wish I knew how to prevent it! Right this second I am about to miss the train I should have taken because I once again couldn't figure out how packing worked. Urgh.

[zanzando]

Oh, do I ever know that feeling. << perpetually late