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Oct. 4th, 2010

faevii: (pain and suffering)
I can't sleep. Which is kind of a small catastrophe because I happen to have an appointment in about 30 hours. Now if I wait until I'm exhausted enough that sleep becomes inevitable, I'll wake up in the afternoon and be unable to sleep the next night. If I try to stay awake, I'll probably fail. What to do??

The one thing that nobody ever seems to understand about me is that I can't just "make an exception" and haul myself out of bed after only five hours of sleep from time to time. I, on the other hand, have trouble imagining how anyone can. It's supposed to be a small sacrifice or something. A bit annoying. You'll simply be tired that day. Ha!

What happens when I try to get up in spite of not having slept enough is that I feel extremely disoriented, nauseous and dizzy while my heart starts thumping as if I were running a marathon rather than sitting upright in bed. Perhaps understandably, I often can't handle this for longer than a few seconds and simply decide to lie down again. If I dare to defy the odds, though, chances are that a few minutes later I'll be stumbling about the place, running into walls, babbling nonsense and possibly scaring the shit out of Timo. Can you see why I'd want to avoid that?!

Usually it doesn't even get better with time. Very rarely breakfast and some caffeine will do the trick, but in general it's way more likely that I'll be a nuisance to anyone present for a few hours and finally fall asleep on the sofa.

I keep thinking I must be exaggerating when I describe this, but then it happens again and I'm like, "Oh. So it was really that bad."

One hour early, that I can handle most of the time. Anything worse than that is hardly worth trying.

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