Why am I not surprised ...

I can't sleep because of pain. Meh. Am now sitting here with my heating pad awkwardly attached to my neck with a scarf (those do come in handy sometimes) and tiger balm on my forehead to hopefully ease the headache a bit.

I am also craving cheese, which is weird. I thought I was already eating so much of the stuff?? But I can't go and fetch some without either removing my delicate heating pad arrangement or pulling out the plug for a moment. DILEMMA.

And the worst part is, I won't even be able to go back to bed if I feel better in an hour because by that time it'll officially be too late for getting up early tomorrow to remain a possibility.

Body, why do you have to act up when I'm trying to get stuff done?! Couldn't you have picked a better time?

ETA: Craving cheese and marzipan. Brain, are you pregnant??

Online vs. Offline

I've been interacting with a lot more people than usual lately (mostly online), so I've had more reason to feel self-conscious and I just noticed that there are some rather striking differences between which aspects of my life I feel most self-conscious about online and offline.

Apparently, my biggest concern when introducing myself to new people on the internet is that they'll think less of me once they figure out that I've never had a real a job (and then even less when they realise that I have a child in spite of this). In contrast, offline I worry most about revealing my gender identity issues, followed closely by the fact that I am mentally ill. Of course, the other two things would still be pretty high up on the list if I ever actually met anyone to whom they came as a surprise. You know, unlike social workers and doctors.

Sexual orientation (be it just the fact that I am interested in people of all genders or the whole complicated mess that is my sexuality) only matters offline. In fact it matters a whole lot, which makes me sad - but on the internet? Being straight is practically regarded as boring. XD The gender thing still makes me suspect that people will think I am weird for it, but not so much that it would keep me from mentioning it.

I wonder what I will have the most trouble becoming comfortable with in the end.