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Regarding Pain
Aug. 7th, 2011 06:36 amYou know what? For at least half a year now, I have been noticing again and again that I don't actually experience particularly strong pain very often anymore. I notice this because whenever it does happen, it comes as a total surprise. Sleep deprivation doesn't cause as much pain as it used to, either - and I never get those weird, inexplicable swellings anymore that made my life difficult until at least late 2009 or so. Body heat problems are rare, too.
There are two things I don't understand about this: 1) What happened? Did I just magically get better? It can't be due to my own behaviour because what I am doing right now and what I did five months ago don't even have anything in common. 2) Why doesn't it affect my life more positively?
I mean, it does have positive effects. I think. Can't say what's from what, of course. But ... I don't know, it was always so terrible - you'd think I'd be relieved. Instead I only realise that the pain was gone when it comes back for a moment.
What I still suffer from is a general, uh ... how do I put this? Hypersensitivity to pressure? Basically, a friendly poke can feel like being stabbed with a knife, running into things hurts me a lot more than it would most people, and it's completely impossible for me to kneel on any surface whatsoever, not even a bed, since it would set my knees on fire. :| Among other things, this means that I have a lot of trouble opening jars, in spite of possessing the strength. It's also why I continue to doubt that attending a concert would really be a smart idea ...
Then there is some temporary, localised muscle pain caused directly by using the muscle in question, usually a sign of having slept badly. That's it, though. Everything else has either stopped happening or become rare. I don't think I even fit the diagnostic criteria for fibromyalgia anymore! But then, the last doctor I introduced myself to said it had been abandoned as an official diagnosis, anyway.
How can I still get the impression that I'm not feeling any better, if all this is true? I suppose my main problem is and has always been insomnia. Or perhaps this is another instance of my physical and mental symptoms taking turns, except this time the mental ones got a really long one. Perhaps one of these days I'll suddenly feel better mentally and the pain will be back, ha. I certainly hope not.
There are two things I don't understand about this: 1) What happened? Did I just magically get better? It can't be due to my own behaviour because what I am doing right now and what I did five months ago don't even have anything in common. 2) Why doesn't it affect my life more positively?
I mean, it does have positive effects. I think. Can't say what's from what, of course. But ... I don't know, it was always so terrible - you'd think I'd be relieved. Instead I only realise that the pain was gone when it comes back for a moment.
What I still suffer from is a general, uh ... how do I put this? Hypersensitivity to pressure? Basically, a friendly poke can feel like being stabbed with a knife, running into things hurts me a lot more than it would most people, and it's completely impossible for me to kneel on any surface whatsoever, not even a bed, since it would set my knees on fire. :| Among other things, this means that I have a lot of trouble opening jars, in spite of possessing the strength. It's also why I continue to doubt that attending a concert would really be a smart idea ...
Then there is some temporary, localised muscle pain caused directly by using the muscle in question, usually a sign of having slept badly. That's it, though. Everything else has either stopped happening or become rare. I don't think I even fit the diagnostic criteria for fibromyalgia anymore! But then, the last doctor I introduced myself to said it had been abandoned as an official diagnosis, anyway.
How can I still get the impression that I'm not feeling any better, if all this is true? I suppose my main problem is and has always been insomnia. Or perhaps this is another instance of my physical and mental symptoms taking turns, except this time the mental ones got a really long one. Perhaps one of these days I'll suddenly feel better mentally and the pain will be back, ha. I certainly hope not.
