where i'm at

i guess i'll post a little life update to get the ball rolling. :)

my life is currently very strange, lonely, boring, and yet much better than ever before in some ways. over the last few years, my physical health has declined but my mental health improved. i live in a shitty little room with built-in kitchenette that i don't get to leave half as often as i'd like, which sucks. but i have friends. my best friend, N, visits once or twice a month and helps me with housework. together with the rare and precious times i actually manage to visit them (we live about 90 minutes apart by train), that's more irl social interaction than i ever had when i was still feeling a little better physically.

at some point i realised that all my previous friendships (minus childhood playmates and more casual online friends) had been rather toxic. i realised this because i was starting to experience normal, healthy friendship for the first time. what a thing. that has been the biggest and most welcome change, really.

oddly enough, i met N on tumblr. don't even remember how that happened, except i saw they were nonbinary like me and from approximately the same area, so i just had to follow them and eventually they followed back. the rest, as they say, is history. :D

another online friend, whom i'll call S, recently moved up here from the other end of the country and we've hung out in person a few times as well. through these two, i have met more people who all live in the city, and by now my biggest wish is to join them.

i don't ... do a lot. can't. it's a good day if i manage to feed myself without much difficulty. but i've got hope, you know? hope, friends, and a whole community of fellow disabled/chronically ill folks to go to for advice and moral support (on twitter).

to badly paraphrase the 13th doctor because i can't find the exact quote: i'm going to be okay. probably. eventually.