What's a nice, English expression for "I have inadvertently navigated myself into an unfavourable situation that I don't see any way out of"? Not that the language matters, mind you. I cannot currently think of any German ones, either; all I know is that it is precisely what I just did.

My mistake was only to forget something, but the entirety of what happened has to be explained in a little more detail. I will be explaining it to myself as well, seeing as I've pretty much lost track of absolutely bloody everything by now. How fortunate that I can look back on my Twitter timeline and make deductions as to what happened when!

I see that it has just turned Friday. On Wednesday I started out feeling terrible both physically and mentally because I had slept badly and then needed to cancel an appointment. I decided that the best course of action was to thoroughly distract myself, in which I succeeded to my own surprise despite not having a plan. I simply hung out on Tumblr a lot and continued to read Homestuck, a kind of multimedia webcomic that I had recently discovered and become inexplicably fascinated with.

The obvious downside to being thoroughly distracted is that you're also in danger of forgetting to do essential things such as eating. That's where the pudding (!!~) comes in. On Wednesday morning I had chocolate pudding for breakfast because my sleepiness didn't allow me to do anything other than grab the next best edible thing and hastily plop down on my chair with it. When I finally felt up to the task of cooking, I was in the mood for bananas and searched the internet for a recipe involving them that I happened to have all the ingredients for. And thus ... I made a big bowl of banana pudding.

Around dinner time it occured to me that I had eaten nothing but pudding all day, which I found mildly amusing. Two or three hours later, Tom Hiddleston tweeted a picture of pudding, which everyone found very amusing. I spotted a sentence among the masses of amused commentary that made me wonder whether this was some kind of in-joke, but sadly I couldn't figure it out and soon returned to my distractions.

Then I accidentally remained distracted until four in the morning. Whoops.

I wouldn't say that I made a decision, exactly, to stay awake even longer. I had simply become so addicted to Homestuck overnight that I couldn't bring myself to stop reading. From then on it gets especially hazy - don't ask what I did for the next, oh I dunno, say TWELVE FREAKING HOURS OR SOMETHING, as I have no idea aside from the fact that at some point I ate rice for breakfast and my tweets mention food one additional time. I can only speculate that I actually spent most of them engrossed in that ridiculous story, possibly even ignoring my poor, unlucky bladder the entire time. Eventually I got to the end, however, or rather the most recent page. Ecstatic that I was now all up to date and could check out some fan art without fearing spoilers, I proceeded to do so for OH I DUNNO PROBABLY A VERY LONG TIME.

I said some pretty strange things in various places. Well, mostly the tags on my Tumblr posts just got more and more rambly (that is so a word). And then I became aware of this amazingly awesome exchange that had happened on Twitter while I was busy, between the aforementioned Tom Hiddleston and a Loki RP account that I wasn't following yet at the time, which was funny enough in its own right but also mentioned PUDDING again and then I looked at said RP account and the pudding was everywhere and by this point I was naturally hella sleep-deprived so EVERYTHING WAS FUNNY and I swear I nearly died of laughter.

Unfortunately this was also roughly the moment when the forgetting took place. Remember, this post was supposed to have a point? Yeah, idk either anymore. So what I forgot was that it was already Thursday night by now and that I was expecting someone Friday morning.

WHOOPS.

There wasn't nearly enough time left to sleep as long as one usually does after having been awake for two days, but I couldn't very well stay awake for another night, either ... or could I???

Apparently I can. It is slowly becoming Friday morning as we speak and I am almost certain that I'm about to beat some kind of personal record. Where am I even getting all this energy from?! PROBABLY NOT FOOD, I IMAGINE. The last two and a half days have been turned into a great, swirling memory sludge consisting mostly of Homestuck, laughter and pudding, in which I'm sure a couple of meals are floating around as well but surely not enough for such a long time?!

The thing is, there is no turning back now. If I were to fall asleep accidentally, having to get up to answer the door even merely to say "Sorry but no, bye!" would equal a kind of torture that - yeah, just no. :| So what I'm doing is staying awake. For at least 49 hours oh gods what is my life.

(Congratulations if anyone actually made it through all of this, I found lots of it funny but EVERYTHING IS FUNNY remember so idk I guess I'm biased.)

I recently realised why I love spending time around small children so much - well, not too many at once, but that's beside the point. It's because I can easily let go in their company. Act without thinking. There's nothing to be afraid of; a toddler won't laugh if you do something weird - not in a bad way, at least. In fact it's not unlikely that the kid will think you're the funniest person in the world.

Back when I was still living with my mother and my siblings, I didn't participate in the things that they did very often, didn't join them on their bike rides or whatever they got up to, but it was not because I didn't like doing those things. I was just tired and sick and preoccupied. When I did feel like coming along, I had lots of fun and secretly pretended that I wasn't ten years older than the others.

Not much has changed, really. I'm the type of person who will occasionally catch herself skipping into the kitchen to get a glass of water instead of walking, for no particular reason. Yes, I do that even now. It just happens! Daniel thinks I'm insane, but I don't mind him. And Timo doesn't care. That's the thing. When I'm alone with Timo, which isn't possible half as often as I'd like, I sing and dance and hop around and do all kinds of things that I would otherwise find embarrassing.

When people persuade me to sing in front of them, my voice is tiny. When I sing to Timo, I am suddenly capable of being exactly as loud as I would be on my own in a sound-proof room. When people ask me to dance, I say that I can't because I have no idea how you're supposed to do it. When Timo and I listen to music together, I start dancing automatically without thinking about it at all.

And that's why I don't like cricket enjoy spending time with small children.

I'm getting better with the grown-ups, mind you. In fact I think this realisation will make it a little easier. Growing up is overrated.