faevii: (Default)
Reviews and meta posts always make me feel so stupid. :( Well, not exactly all of them, but still. It happens quite often that I get curious as to what other people might be saying about a film or a tv show that I have recently discovered, and then I search for opinions and end up feeling like a fool. What, the special effects were bad? I didn't notice. What, there were plotholes? I didn't notice. What, the entire story is a total cliché? I must have been unaware of that cliché.

That last example is actually from a face-to-face conversation with a friend from so many years ago that I don't even remember what it was about anymore, only that it bothered me.

Of course, being unaware of clichés is an entirely different matter than being stupid. I really shouldn't feel bad about not recognising recurring themes in pop culture because until a few years ago I was a lot like Bones in this regard: always the only person in the room who Had Not Seen That Film. ("I don't know what that means!") I've been catching up since then, largely thanks to other people, but I promise that you still wouldn't believe the things I'm not familiar with.

It's not just that, though. I simply don't seem to be capable of any sort of in-depth analysis. Aside from certain pet peeves that I always notice because they can't not annoy me, I never even see what others describe as glaring errors. Also great: when everyone's saying that something was completely predictable, yet it took me by surprise. Or that Inception was easy to follow. Thanks.

I do recognise, barely, that Torchwood and Merlin are not exactly deep. That's about as smart as I get with these things. Perhaps it's because whenever I see magic or aliens or dragons or The Future™, my brain goes "OOOHH, SHINY!" and ceases to function. But that's just a theory. ;)

Oh gods do I even want to post this? Well, it would certainly be a waste not to.
faevii: (Default)
OMG. I'm done with the first season. Well, not the first-first, you know what I mean - first of the newer ones. I had SO MUCH FUN ... but now there's a new Doctor and I'm all confused! I'd been afraid of that moment from the beginning because I really liked Christopher Eccleston and I knew he was going to disappear eventually. It happened earlier than I'd hoped. :(

Also, this is kind of funny - I amuse myself with my own ignorance. So, the day I downloaded all those Doctor Who seasons, I also downloaded some Torchwood because I had this vague inkling that they were either connected somehow or just liked by a lot of the same people (this is what you get from lurking around the edges of fandom). No, of course it didn't occur to me to do some research first; whyever do you ask? :P

Anyway, I had no idea that Torchwood was actually a spin-off, and likely wouldn't have found out for a long time if I hadn't liked Captain Jack Harkness so much* that I googled him in a reckless attempt to somehow find out if he was going to return later without spoiling myself in the process (!!) - so guess how surprised I was when I discovered that he had his own series! And it was already on my computer! XD

Sometimes I enjoy exploring new fandoms this way ... "Oh, this is interesting - and that, too - wait, those are connected? OMG, there's more of this stuff?!" Research would only ruin the fun. :P I know, I know, I'm abusing smilies today. It's not my fault, I'm in New Fandom Mode! I can't help it!!

*When I say "like" ... I'm not even sure what I mean. I'd probably hate him if he were real. But ... but ... what is this "reality" you speak of. Have I met it?
faevii: (pain and suffering)
I can't sleep. Which is kind of a small catastrophe because I happen to have an appointment in about 30 hours. Now if I wait until I'm exhausted enough that sleep becomes inevitable, I'll wake up in the afternoon and be unable to sleep the next night. If I try to stay awake, I'll probably fail. What to do??

The one thing that nobody ever seems to understand about me is that I can't just "make an exception" and haul myself out of bed after only five hours of sleep from time to time. I, on the other hand, have trouble imagining how anyone can. It's supposed to be a small sacrifice or something. A bit annoying. You'll simply be tired that day. Ha!

What happens when I try to get up in spite of not having slept enough is that I feel extremely disoriented, nauseous and dizzy while my heart starts thumping as if I were running a marathon rather than sitting upright in bed. Perhaps understandably, I often can't handle this for longer than a few seconds and simply decide to lie down again. If I dare to defy the odds, though, chances are that a few minutes later I'll be stumbling about the place, running into walls, babbling nonsense and possibly scaring the shit out of Timo. Can you see why I'd want to avoid that?!

Usually it doesn't even get better with time. Very rarely breakfast and some caffeine will do the trick, but in general it's way more likely that I'll be a nuisance to anyone present for a few hours and finally fall asleep on the sofa.

I keep thinking I must be exaggerating when I describe this, but then it happens again and I'm like, "Oh. So it was really that bad."

One hour early, that I can handle most of the time. Anything worse than that is hardly worth trying.
faevii: (Default)
Excuse me, I'm on a personality test rampage. I've always wanted to do one of those, but somehow never did:

Click to view my Personality Profile page

I LOL'd. Note that I scored so low on "interpersonal" (not to be confused with "intrapersonal") that it's NOT EVEN ON THERE. XD (20%, as the full results page informed me.) I may not approve of IQ tests, but this is awesome. And hilarious. At least if you consider that it basically appears to be saying, "I like WORDS and NUMBERS and MUSIC and MYSELF ... oh, and also pretty things and nature and movement. Other people? What's that? Can you eat it? How does it work??"

But then you've got the "personality type" tests that will tell you I'm very nice, peaceful, loyal, caring and so on. Which sums up all of my problems with human interaction, really. I care almost too much, I'm just crap at expressing it.

(And evidently I enjoy interpreting meaningless internet tests in such a way that they seem to explain my entire life.)

I have decided, by the way, that my personality type is I[joker][joker][joker]. Honestly, nothing but the I ever stays the same for long and it even makes sense. As I just mentioned on Tumblr, where I for some reason decided to post one of the other tests I did, I've been through almost every single type-starting-with-an-I in existence. If the results are displayed as percentages, everything but the I is usually close to the 50% mark. At the moment ISFP feels right, but so did INTJ at some point in time!

... I feel like one of those characters in RPGs who are moderately good at everything, but don't really excel at anything, so you can make use of them in any situation if you have to, but will probably switch them out for someone else eventually. >.< A jack of all trades - I've always liked that phrase.

Maybe this even explains why I have managed to "accidentally imitate" such vastly different people without realising it. If you start out in the middle, you never have to stray that far. IDK. Why am I even still awake.

The Fandom Problem

Saturday, June 19th, 2010 01:54 pm
faevii: (thoughtful rosencrantz)
I think I just started to figure out what it is that keeps me from getting properly involved in fandom. That question has been bugging me for ages because it's certainly not a lack of interest: I want to get involved because I do get pretty excited about things and having people to talk to who share the sentiment would ne neat, really! Part of the problem is obviously that I don't have much to contribute, what with never having finished a single fanfic and appearing to have lost all my icon-making skillz - but that can't be the only reason, you know? I even suspect that if I did get involved somehow, I'd be way more inspired and eventually would end up finishing a fic. Interaction can do that to you.

One thing that's definitely holding me back is that I don't have the money to immediately buy each new album/book/DVD/etc. that comes out, so I regularly have to skip a lot of posts for fear of spoilers and by the time I finally catch up, everyone else's excitement has already passed. Well, with any luck that's going to change once I have my own place.

What I just realised is that I often feel left out for an entirely different reason as well though, and it has something to do with the fact that a large part of fandom is basically about sexual attraction. We look at pictures of our favourite characters/celebrities because we find them attractive, and what was the most popular fanfiction genre again? Right. Romance. Which some only read for the porn. :P That's all nice and well, but despite being utterly addicted to romantic fluff and picture-browsing myself, I often get the impression that what goes on in my head when I do these things is very, very different from other people's thoughts. The way they talk quite frankly disturbs me most of the time. I could never join a conversation that is all about how badly you wank to fuck that person, sorry.

Speaking of which, is it actually possible to get aroused just from looking at pictures of an attractive person?? I can never tell when people are joking. Especially when I'm too busy being disturbed.

Meta discussions never apply to me, either. I don't seem to have much in common with the average fan, the average female fan, the average female fan who likes slash ... or the typical representation of any other group that I'm technically a part of. It's quite frustrating. I always get the feeling that all those people who appear to be enjoying the same thing as I am are coming at it from such a different perspective that it's not really the same thing at all. How am I supposed to communicate with them under these conditions?

For some reason I was completely unaware of this problem until just now.

Observation #32759

Sunday, June 13th, 2010 10:54 pm
faevii: (slice of brain)
I recently realised why I love spending time around small children so much - well, not too many at once, but that's beside the point. It's because I can easily let go in their company. Act without thinking. There's nothing to be afraid of; a toddler won't laugh if you do something weird - not in a bad way, at least. In fact it's not unlikely that the kid will think you're the funniest person in the world.

Back when I was still living with my mother and my siblings, I didn't participate in the things that they did very often, didn't join them on their bike rides or whatever they got up to, but it was not because I didn't like doing those things. I was just tired and sick and preoccupied. When I did feel like coming along, I had lots of fun and secretly pretended that I wasn't ten years older than the others.

Not much has changed, really. I'm the type of person who will occasionally catch herself skipping into the kitchen to get a glass of water instead of walking, for no particular reason. Yes, I do that even now. It just happens! Daniel thinks I'm insane, but I don't mind him. And Timo doesn't care. That's the thing. When I'm alone with Timo, which isn't possible half as often as I'd like, I sing and dance and hop around and do all kinds of things that I would otherwise find embarrassing.

When people persuade me to sing in front of them, my voice is tiny. When I sing to Timo, I am suddenly capable of being exactly as loud as I would be on my own in a sound-proof room. When people ask me to dance, I say that I can't because I have no idea how you're supposed to do it. When Timo and I listen to music together, I start dancing automatically without thinking about it at all.

And that's why I don't like cricket enjoy spending time with small children.

I'm getting better with the grown-ups, mind you. In fact I think this realisation will make it a little easier. Growing up is overrated.
faevii: (raised eyebrow)
I never mentioned that our XBox 360 died, did I? In any case that's why I suddenly stopped mentioning Final Fantasy XIII after I'd been so excited about it for a while. Daniel's borrowed someone else's 'box now, so I've been playing again, but I have yet to actually advance in the story.

I just briefly wanted to say that it annoys me when people talk about the XBox version as if it's obvious that everyone will agree when they say that the PS3 graphics are better. I've seen both. On a HD screen there's hardly a difference and on an old tv the XBox totally wins. (But don't listen to me; I'm just a weirdo who doesn't even like HD screens. What?? You can see all the edges! I don't like edges. o.O I mean, being able to read the text without squinting is nice and all, but Daniel uses our computer screen to play games sometimes and I seriously can't watch him for longer than two minutes without getting a headache. It's TOO SHARP. *shrugs*)

Speaking of television, I'm a bit annoyed that I can't watch the world cup. I should have thought of that earlier. We did consider getting some sort of cheap receiver after we cancelled our cable tv subscription, but then we forgot about it because it never seemed important ... except right now. Oops. Daniel doesn't care about football at all and outside of the world cup I don't, either, but usually I do allow myself to get sucked in every four years. Not enough to ask a random neighbour if I can watch it with them, though. Argh.

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Lin

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