I APOLOGISE FOR THE CAPS

Sometimes I think that I'd be much better at Getting Stuff Done if I had a kitchen timer. You might be wondering why I don't, then - and really, I've been meaning to buy one for ages, but I got stuck waiting for That Day When We Happen To Have Some Money Left Over. Granted, kitchen timers are not exactly expensive ... it just seems silly to ask for one when every single time that we make a shopping list, I talk Daniel out of at least one thing that he wants. u_u

Well, soon I'll have to buy a lot of stuff for my new flat, anyway.

The thing about kitchen timers is, they're so persuasive. A mobile alarm, in addition to being harder to set up because my phone doesn't have a countdown feature, is like a gentle nudge to remind me that my ten minutes are up and I should probably consider abandoning my current activity sometime in the near future. The sound of a kitchen timer, on the other hand? Hmm, how do I explain ...

Basically, this is what I hear when the thing goes off:

HEY THERE LAZY FUCKER DO YOU HEAR ME
YOUR TIME'S UP AND I'M NOT GOING TO SAY IT TWICE
THAT "IT'S ONLY BEEN 27 SECONDS SINCE THE ALARM" BULLSHIT WON'T WORK ON ME
I'M NOT A CLOCK SO I DON'T EVEN DISPLAY THE TIME
IF YOU'RE NOT MOVING YET ONCE I'VE STOPPED YELLING AT YOU, YOU'RE LATE - PERIOD
BESIDES ALL OF YOUR NEIGHBOURS CAN HEAR ME
EVERYONE KNOWS YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE DOING SOMETHING NOW
THEY MAY NOT BE ABLE TO CHECK WHETHER YOU ARE BUT YOU'D STILL FEEL GUILTY IF YOU WEREN'T
I'VE STARTLED YOU OUT OF WHATEVER YOU WERE DOING BEFORE ANYWAY
TAKING THE TIME TO GET BACK INTO IT WOULD JUST BE SILLY AT THIS POINT
AND DON'T PRETEND YOU WEREN'T "DONE" YET
YOU KNEW THIS WAS COMING, I SAW YOU GLANCING AT ME A MINUTE AGO

...

I INTIMIDATE YOU WITH MY SILENCE
THE SILENCE IS JUDGING YOU

o.O

And that, my friends, is why I need to get my head checked don't find anything else quite as effective as kitchen timers.